Cake Wrecks

I was so sad to hear that I wouldn't be in town when one of my favorite blogs visited my local indie bookstore for a signing. To help me get over this loss I've decided to post some of my favorite entries. The blog is Cake Wrecks and they've got a new book out which literally had my tearing up I was laughing so hard. The premise is simple: funny or weird cakes. Intrigued? I thought so.

Classic break up cake. You almost gotta respect someone who dumps you like this. At least they left you something to eat while crying.

I hope the cake giver wasn't also the herpes giver.

Now, you may be thinking, these cakes don't have anything to do with sex or naked dudes. And those above don't. But there are some PoolBoy related cakes. Oh yes, there surely are.

Semi-nude dude on a bearskin rug? That's pretty fucking PoolBoy.

And finally, the icing on the PoolBoy cake (har har)....

What's that apostrophe about?

Also, I want one of these at the launch party.

Awkward Boners

You know when you wake up in the morning feeling frisky and turn over to your man to initiate a love fest and notice that he's already got some morning wood ready for you? That's a surprise blessing boner. In contrast, when you're in class and you lean over to get a peak at your crush and notice that he's got a tent pitched in his shorts while your old man professor pontificates on the merits of Milton, that's an awkward boner. Don't get me wrong, Milton rules, but worthy of a classroom boner? I think not.

Did you know there's a whole blog dedicated to awkward boners? I didn't but I'm sure as hell glad I do now. They even have a feature where you can vote on if the boner is understandable or awkward!

In celebration of the season of swimming and sun, I bring you some photos of awkward summer boners from the awkward boners blog.

Beach boners are hard (ha ha!) because there are so many scantily clad ladies around. I can almost understand this wood.

Falling asleep after viewing so many bikinis has gotta lead to sweet dreams. As evidenced here.

This kid probably got a boner from seeing his own hot body in the pool mirror. That or he just kicked someone's ass in the 100 breast stoke.

(For T-bag)

Women Like to Watch Porn, Deal with It

In response to a Stop Porn Culture conference held in Boston by the Stop Porn Coalition, a group that claims to be feminist but is actually rooted in fundamentalist Christian organizations (though this fact is hidden on their website and other materials), Violet Blue created Our Porn, Ourselves. The Our Porn, Ourselves mission statement says:

We women are tired of people trying to control our sexuality by telling us what we should or shouldn’t like sexually (porn) based on what someone else thinks is best for us. It’s like keeping women in a perpetual state of being children about sex. And women who say they are feminists make it worse by discounting all the women who find porn to be an empowering sex toy. Or if not, to at least give us the benefit of the doubt that we can make that decision for ourselves, thank you very much.

It's about time there was a counter argument to the anti-porn feminists. I'm not about to tell someone they're not feminist for being against porn, especially if they're exposure to porn is all the violent shit out there. But I'm also not about to judge anyone for what turns them on or tell other women that they shouldn't explore their sexuality to see what exactly does turn them on. There's a great quote by Sarah Estrella, from the Sex & Relationship Examiner, that addresses the compatibility of the feminist label and porn:

...To that I’d add that feminism and pornography are no longer incompatible, if they ever were, and both are becoming more progressive than you might imagine (witness such phenomena as the recent 5th annual Feminist Pornography Awards). As one set of feminists are returning to the old right wing rallying cries of Andrea Dworkin, another set is increasingly participating in the means and ways of production of adult entertainment, and becoming a significant portion of the audience for pornographic material as consumers. As a result, the old charges that pornography is about a male-centric and sexist objectification of women are falling apart. To be sure, there is still plenty to talk about, plenty to protest, and plenty to change for the better in the adult enterainment industry – particularly around violence against and exploitation of women, to the extent that each still exist – but the argument that feminism is by definition anti-porn just doesn’t hold up anymore.

That's what PoolBoy Magazine is all about, acknowledging and accepting that women are sexual and enjoy being so. Instead of being sexualized by the media and society, PoolBoy asserts that women should be sexual and address what gets them hot. How are women to enjoy sex if they're not allowed to explore what it is exactly that turns them on? Or just be judged by what gets them going? Perhaps the underlying message of anti-porn groups are that women are not supposed to enjoy sex, or only be the means that they deem acceptable. Sad face.

Anyway, porn is cool and people, men or women, telling other women that they shouldn't watch it are just as bad as men making laws about what women can or cannot do with their bodies. Why don't you just let decide for themselves? Or, if you don't like the porn that's out there, make your own!

Our Porn, Ourselves is having a video contest with some rad prizes. All you have to do is, "Make a short video that tells us you are pro-porn, and upload the video to your favorite video sharing website. This is where you get to tell us “I’m pro-porn and I vote!” When you’re done, Tweet the location (URL) of the video with the hashtag #proporn. The deadline is June 12, the start of the Stop Porn Culture feminist anti-porn conference." The prizes are listed on Our Porn, Ourselves so check them out and get to making your video!

Hot Guys Reading Books

There's pretty much nothing hotter to me than an attractive dude reading a good book. Blamo! My undies are instantly wet. Srsly. It's pretty much the reason I work at a bookstore. Yes, I love books and I love to talk about them but really I love to flirt with hot dudes who ask me for recommendations or just ogle them while they flip through The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. Whoa is right.

So when my friend sent me a link to Hot Guys Reading Books I almost fell out of my chair. And then I spent a long, long time looking through it. There's a little sampling below to wet your whistle.

I don't even care what the book is. Hello!

Obviously European, no? Wish I could tell what he was reading.


That's a saucy little smirk, my friend. I like.

Loafers! Would totally approach this dude and strike up a convo about whatever he's reading. Hope it's not Eat, Pray, Love.

HGRB says he was reading a Harry Potter book. Get in my pants!

Heinlein, nice. You can be a stranger in my strange land any day.


Check out the blog and send in pics of your boyfriend reading so I can fantasize about him too.

Hot Ballers

Remember that PoolBoy post about what sport has the hottest players? Well Kickette, a blog about hot footballers (soccer players for us yanks), may just have won the argument. Did I mention soccer is great because the players are constantly pulling their shirts over their heads or just striping them completely off? I could spend all day looking at this site but, so you don't have to, I've compiled some of my fave picks from their 2010 Kickette Hot Hall of Fame and beyond. Get ready to change your panties.


Popularly known as Alex Song, this Cameroonian baller plays for Arsenal.

Yoann Gourcuff, a hot frenchie who plays for Bordeaux, is all the rage at Kickette. Think accent.

Hottie Totti gets it done for Roma.

21 year old Aussie babe Langerak plays goal for Melbourne Victory.

Iker Casillas plays for Real Madrid. Viva Espana.

A personal favorite of mine since watching him play on the World Cup winning Italian national team, Fabio Cannavaro plays for Juventus and likes to feed giraffes.

David Beckham. I know, I know, he's the only international soccer player Americans seem to recognize (and it's not because he played for the LA Galaxy, if you can even call that playing), although we don't seem to care all that much about him. Well guess what? He's still really hot.

Vanity Fair photo shoot for the World Cup countdown. I sure as hell will be watching, will you?


And there's tons more photos of baller hotties on Kickette, plus the Kickette ladies also know what they're talking about when it comes to football. They love the players and the game.

Look at these hipsters fucking

ya'll know Look At This Fucking Hipster right? (of course you do. you peruse it at your leisure or with friends making fun of the lil hipsters, getting fashion tips and tattoo no nos, and fapping to the hot dudes. no? just me? fuck you)

ok so well now there's Look At This Hipster Fucking

Ladypants hasn't updated the site since March (booooo) but aside from most of the queer girls and fake ass 3some pics there are some boners.

Punks I'd like to Fuck

Although a lot of the dudes on Punks I'd like to Fuck look like they need a good shower (and for someone to take a razor to those terrible dreds), there are some def hotties....and even one dude I've already banged. Awesome.








Like dirty boys? Find more pics for your spank bank at PILFS.

Bar Games

The other night I was out with a friend visiting from NM (Go Lobos!) giggling through my beer haze as we played bar games. You know what I mean when I say bar games, right? From the classic "Who would you bang?" to the newer but infinitely more fun "teams" (thanks T-Bag!), bar games keep things lively when you're only looking to chill with friends. We've come by a few new games recently, and it's just in time. While Hipster or Homeless? has gotten old, I wonder if we are really ready for the possible (more like, inevitable) disappointment of Hipster or Gay?



Sometimes it's so hard to tell.

Either way, it seems like we've come too late as it is. Hipster or Gay? appears to have faded away too soon and entirely too late.

Chad VanGaalen...Swoon

Once upon a time I was living in a crack house with a loser boyfriend in Somerville, MA. The highlight of my week was smoking meticulously rolled joints with said boyfriend Sunday nights and watching 120 minutes on MTV. One night we saw this video for clinically dead by Chad VanGaalen.




Intrigued, I looked up some more info on this VanGaalen dude. Turns out he animates all the videos for the music he writes and performs, sometimes on instruments he creates himself. On further investigation, his latest album The Soft Airplane is haunting and spooky and beautiful.

Do you have a lady boner yet? Oh, did I forget to post a photo of the Canadian hot boy?


Swoon.

Srsly.


(Thanks to knickerbocker for reminding me how much I love this dude)

Guys with iPhones

Beware (Hooray?!), there are lots of dicks on Guys with iPhones. It's exactly what it sounds like. And totes NSFW. Also, NS if you plan on keeping your undies dry.


Most of the advertising and commentary is gay, but whatevs, gay dudes are still hot (usually hotter, actually). Eye candy knows no sexual preference.

Anyway, thank you, technology.

Knickersoaker!

YES! This lovely Canadian blog is all about hot dudes! Thank you ladies!!

Love this little blurb about Joseph Gordon-Levitt:

While this picture isn’t the most flattering I’ve seen on Mr. Gordon-Levitt, who the fuck cares? Kid, while you’re “shooting up in Canada” come over to Vancouver Island for a “visit” and let me have all you babies. I know you’re in Vancouver, don’t even front. I have people who saw you eating at one of my favorite restaurants. Come serenade me a-la your “monologue” on SNL, and I’ll show you my own personal version of one of Canada’s iconic animals (it’s a beaver, people!).

i heart Canadians

Vampires give me a Boner

If you've been reading the PoolBoy blog at all you are probably aware that I'll use any excuse to post pics of R-Patz. NPR recently offered me another opportunity when they wrote this Bloody Book List. And it's not just a vampire reading list (though there is a pretty good one at the end), but an article about how one can know what's happening at a certain point in history by checking out the vampire lit of the time. Don't believe me?

Take Bram Stoker's Dracula.

"It was written at the end of the 19th century, at a time when England had some of the largest ports in the world," says Benita Blessing, who teaches modern European history at Ohio University. "Here you have a ship arriving from Eastern Europe, bearing soil from another country, and a plague-like person who is going to bring death and destruction. The concerns at that time were foreign illnesses, unwanted immigrants. What Dracula is about is the fear of what we might today call globalization."

That's just the first example. The article discusses Anne Rice's vamp novels, Whitley Strieber's The Hunger, and the current wave of blood sucking books like Mormon Meyer's Twilight series and Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse novels

So what does the recent infatuation with deadly immortals tell us about the national subconscious today? Well, in both Twilight and the Sookie Stackhouse series the main vampire characters try to deny their animal instincts and be more moral, in an attempt to be more human. Vampires, even Sookie's Bill Compton, are predators, but then again, so are humans. Dracula wasn't concerned about mainstreaming or following a set of moral rules. So why does Edward Cullen care about weather he drinks the blood of an animal or a human?

Apparently it's because humans are killing the Earth and we feel really bad about it. According to Whitley Strieber:

"Our prey is our planet," he says. Today's fear is not the Cold War or AIDS, it's the fate of the Earth: "We sense that there is something wrong with the environment, that the planet itself may not be able to sustain us very long, and so we are beginning to romance death once again."

I buy it. It seems that vampires, who usually represent fear of death, appear in literature to reflect what the major fear of the time is, from immigration, to disease, to the uncertainty at the end of the Cold War, to pollution. If you are into vampires or how literature reflects culture and what's happening in the world, this article is a must read.

I'll leave you with a little Eric from True Blood to get you through the day.



Have a good Tuesday, biznatches.

Your brain on Durex

At first I thought these new Durex ads were pretty sweet. They're so simple and sometimes when having sex it can feel like one's whole body is just a sea of single thoughts. But some of the thoughts on these ads are a little creepy. I get the "tasty" in her throat and "satisfied" and "contented" running up her legs and even the "fruit" that her loins are thinking (and "tousled" in her hair is great), but what's with her boobs thinking "boobs" over and over? My boobs are usually thinking "touch me!" when I find myself in this position.

And what's with the dude's body mostly thinking "fatal error" while his man parts suddenly become "intelligence" and "wisdom"? I haven't met a lot of dudes whose dicks struck me as suddenly wise and intelligent when they found said cock in my mouth.

Want to see what ladies are thinking when we're actually getting some deep dicking? The Sexist breaks down how female orgasms happen in mythological afterlives while Jezebel takes us through where "confused" comes in while ladies ride on top (see below).

"The most annoying thing about these ads is that they have the potential to be really good - if they made a little more sense. The female body is shown as a complex textbook of emotions, while men are reduced to one single thought (or less). Naturally, Krahne wants to play up the sexy part of sex, but wouldn't it be funnier if the oral sex-woman was thinking about "suction," "teeth," "knee pain" or if we wanted to be really honest, "this condom tastes like a Fruit Roll-Up that has been sprayed with Lysol." Also, we appreciate that it takes a certain about of strain to maintain that position for men, but it's not exactly a cakewalk for us either. Finally, maybe instead of "confusion," a woman on the brink of an orgasm could be shown thinking "hells yes!" or at the very least "don't stop." " (Jezebel)

Why Aren't The Networks Picking Up Any Pilots Created By Women?

(Amy Sherman-Pallidino, creator of The Gilmore Girls, with star Lauren Graham)

Jezebel asks, "Why Aren't the Networks Picking Up Any Pilots Created By Women?" And it's a good question, though it does explain a few things (like Big Love).

Apparently, "3 out of 33 comedy scripts that went to pilot were written by women. That is 9%," while only "6 out of 36 drama scripts went to pilot were written by women. That is 16%." In case you're bad at math, those numbers aren't pretty.

So what's the deal? Are we still dealing with a boys club in Hollywood? How else do you explain this ridiculousness (from WomenandHollywood.com):

NBC had no comedies written by women and Fox had no dramas written by women
HBO had one female written pilot in two years. FX nothing. Lifetime nothing. USA nothing.

To quote Jezebel's hortense,"LIFETIME! Television for motherfucking women! In the words of Angelina from Jersey Shore: "Um, hello?!?"

Um, hello!?!? indeed.

Very Bad Porn

VeryBadPorn.com. There really are no words. Except for these words (borrowed from verybadporn.com):

"THREE PEOPLE HAVING SEX IS THE CHARM

So this guy is walking down the street, and out of NOWHERE he sees these two girls and they are so hot, both of them are incredibly hot. They just walk over to him and are like: “want to have sex in the park with us with condoms?” He’s like “YEAH!” because it’s going to be awesome because it’s sex with two girls at once, but he’s using protection so it’s pretty safe to have casual sex. Although he had heard that a condom is not 100% preventitive, it’s pretty close, and he really wants to have sex with these two random girls because it’s a threesome and also it’s totally random. They both look pretty clean too, although he totally knows from ads and stuff that you can’t tell just by looking at someone, but everyone makes that initial judgment. So they go behind a park building and start having sex, and they are loving it. They’re all having sex with each other in all the different combinations possible, and then a park ranger is like “Hey get out of here!” And they say “want to join the party” actually the girls say that, and he says “No! I’m a Park Ranger, I’m on duty, and my responsibility is to make sure these parks are appropriate for people to enjoy on this Sunday afternoon and every day that I work here.” So they get dressed real quick and then all go to work. He promises not to run over and over in his mind if those girls were slutty, and if they may have STDs, because he can’t tell, and it’s too late now, he already made the decision to have sex with them, so it doesn’t do anything to just keep running it over and over in his mind. He shouldn’t have had casual sex in the first place, he knows that, but it was one of his fantasies and who knows if he’ll ever have another chance to do it again? It’s hard with stuff like that.

-Chelsea"

Panties wet yet? And the pictures are just as good.

Someone buy me this verybadporn shirt.

Kathleen Hanna's blog

is hilarious

That's A DealBreaker Ladies

Love this blog called Dealbreaker by funnies Marisa and Dave.  They have long list of reasons why they won't date you, including:

- You're Lady GaGa
- You don't like watching Degrassi
- You have swine flu
- You're an American Apparel Model
- You're Jeff Goldblum (“God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates Man. Man destroys God. Man creates Dinosaurs”)
- You have the same name as my dad
- You hate unicorns
- You won't kiss me after oral
- You don't "get" Radiohead
- You're not Mark Ruffalo

and many, many more (You're too hot, You say "vagine")

Some of my dealbreakers:
- you are homeless
- you are grossed out by body hair on women
- you are a republican
- you hit on me using Myspace
- you don't like to swim
- you are Mormon
- you lied about graduating from high school
- you constantly talk about how awesome California is
- you are Glen Beck/Bill O'Reily/Fox News/Ann Coulter/Newt Gingrich/an asshole

what are some of your dealbreakers?

Hey Girl

I know we just did a Ryan Gosling post (See Dead Man's Bones) but this blog is hilarious:

The Fuck Yeah! Ryan Gosling Blog

Hey girl

Happy Friday

Cute Boys Make Me Nervous

Cute Boys Make Me Nervous

This blog is awesome! Ladies send in pics they've taken of cute boys and the author critiques the subject's hotness in hilarious ways.

There are some cute boys on this site that would definitely make me nervous!

(i would totally make this dude act out a certain sexual fantasy I have involving Vanilla Ice)

Male Models

A friend alerted me to this Dublin based fashion blog, male-mode, that features lots of hot male models. Beware though, with this eye candy comes some truly hilarious fashion. This blog had me lusting and laughing for hours. Example:

Hotness...


vs.

Hilarious...


Maybe I'm just not that fashionable but that dude looks like he's wearing a sleeping bag over his ball hugging space suit. Not that I'm complaining about being able to see his package...I'd just prefer him without all the clothes on.

I leave you with this:


JK, I'd rather end on hotness.




Yowza