Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year's Resolutions

Everyone's writing about their New Year's Resolutions.

Graphic designer Monina Velarde has created a New Year's Resolution Generator which is cool because it let's you click through a ton of resolutions and then promptly forget about them, much like in real life, but with the speed of the internet. Fuck writing that shit down.

For me, more than any resolution, New Year's Eve is like a Get Out of Jail Monopoly card.  It's a free pass to start over, no excuses.  It's a time marker, that's for sure, but a positive one.  If you're planning on losing weight this year (ladies of leisure don't need to unless it's medically advised), NYE is like a kick in the butt.  If you want to quit smoking (which you should, that shit is o'nast), you'll probably end up getting drunk tonight and smoking a shitload of cigarettes AND THEN QUITTING on the 1st.


One NYE, not so long ago, my resolution was to not get black-out drunk anymore (i was involved with some bad dick at the time and drinking the pain away, it happens).  Well i don't remember much of that new year's eve other than waking up the next day in my bathroom in only my coat and a puddle of vomit, but I haven't blacked out since.  Goddamn I'm better than that and all it took was a new year's eve to get me out of my slump.  Use and abuse it ladies, NYE is a time for redemption/rebirth/start overs.

Hamilton Wright Mabie sums it up best in this quote:
“New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no woman has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights”

So whether you're sitting on your couch or going out to get your party on tonight, have a safe and happy new year's eve and keep up the keeping up!

And never let the Horse of Judgement judge you from the 3rd floor:

P.S. PoolBoy Magazine's 2010 Resolutions are to put out our first issue (almost done!) and continue to be badass.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

DIY in 2010

As we head into 2010 the economy is still lagging and times still hard for today's working lady. We need to get creative about finding jobs and other ways to survive and thrive. Think outside the box and all that crap. But if Meghann Rosales of Jug Wine comix can't find a job with this vesume than we're all screwed.

Check out the first issue of PoolBoy Magazine, coming spring 2010, to see more Jug Wine comix.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Happy Jonas Holidays

Happy Holidays! Be safe, just like the abstinence loving Jonas brothers:

Married Jonas Brother Says Sex Not Worth the Wait

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - Just days after tying the knot after years of abstinence, Kevin Jonas of the pop sensation the Jonas Brothers stunned his teenaged fans by announcing that "to be honest about it, sex was not worth the wait."

"After we did it, I was kind of like, that's it?" Mr. Jonas told reporters at a New York press conference.

As to whether Mr. Jonas' bride agreed with his "that's it?" assessment, Mr. Jonas remarked, "That's what she said."

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry XXXMas from PoolBoy Magazine

Hope all you naughty pool girls get lots of presents!



this what came up when i googled "naughty santa"

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The Devil in Massive Attack

The new Massive Attack video for "Paradise Circus" is right up our alley. And it's not just because the video features clips of Georgina Spelvin talking about her career as a porn star interspersed with actual clips of her in films like "The Devil in Miss Jones." Ok, it's mostly for that reason (long live 70's porn body hair!) but the music is pretty nice as well. A commenter on stereogum said it the best, "Like all of Massive Attack's best work, it makes me want to smoke lots of pot."

The video is totes NSFW, as stereogum reminds you again and again.

Spelvin talking about her attempt at prostitution and that magical moment of orgasm.

Spelvin in her porn days.

Two questions: what's with the snake and why is everyone so sweaty?

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Friday Night Hottie

It's been chilly in Phoenix. I'm not going to say "cold" because it doesn't really get "cold" here as the rest of the country would define the word. Still, on these chilly December nights, all I want to do is drink some wine by the fire and maybe watch something with a hot dude in it, something like Friday Night Lights. I've only seen the first 4 episodes of the third season of this TV drama about the politics of high school football in a small Texas town, but I've seen enough to know that the hottie quota has more than been filled by Taylor Kitsch, who plays party boy Tim Riggins.

Kitsch might not play a very good Gambit (dude is from Louisiana = he should have a hot accent), and I did worry that it may just be my propensity for losers (sorry, Tim Riggins is sort of a douche), but shirt or no shirt (and thankfully he does seem to lose his shirt a lot in the show) Taylor Kitsch is nice to look at on a cold winter's night.

Oh, you don't believe me? How do you like these apples, hmm?

I would def put a little Taylor Kitsch in my body.

Thursday, December 10, 2009


Hey Ladies and Pool Boys!

Now you can follow us on Twitter!!

Get your latest updates on our magazine, events and much more!

Remember to keep your friends close, and your spank bank supplied with extra batteries!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Tall Skinny Boy Salute

For Bontie.

(I'm pretty sure this is not really r-patz but it's a good photoshop job so what the heck)

I don't know why you tall skinny bastards exist, but I'm sure glad that you do.

Monday, December 7, 2009

The Spirits will be here

All this talk about New Moon (or Twilight 2 as our local theater called it) on this blog! But our collective culture can't help but want to sex up, hate, make fun of and then sex up again this tween drama and its hot male co-stars.

Here's a really funny video by Creek/Seminole director Sterlin Harjo of a spoof of the auditions for the New Moon 'Wolfpack'


New Moon Wolf Pack Auditions from sterlinharjo on Vimeo.

Native dudes = hot to the max

Friday, December 4, 2009

Fuck me, Sparkle Boy.

I don't give a damn about all the Twilight buzz fluttering around, and hearing about a sparkly Edward Cullen inspired dildo made by Tantus Direct really doesn't surprise me.

The part I do like: Check out the reviews.

OMG I love the vamp I glued a bunch of hair from my moms wigs onto it and pretended it's Jacob :] GO VAMP!

This dildo is AMAAAZING. I have 7 of them so I have enough to imagine Edward Cullen ramming every orifice in my body with his sparkling peen. I also like to attach them to my grandma while she's sleeping and pretend she's a giant vampire cockmonster. so hot

Dildo? Holy shit! I thought this was a child's toy! O__o; Well, looks like my nephew is going to get a strange surprise mailed to him for his birthday this week.


HAHAHAHA, I fucking love people.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Seasons Greetings: Holiday Gifts #3

When I was a little kid, my Grandma used to tape up all the cards she got during the holidays on the walls in the kitchen.

Most blended together. Nothing remarkable about that same little house covered in snow with it's one glowing yellow light. Yes, it looks inviting, but not when you see that same stupid card year after year. Plus, it's embarrassing when you see that someone else had the same idea you did and stole a couple from the local church. Hey, those things can get expensive and who knew the Catholic church in Missouri where Aunt Jean goes bought their cards from the same printers.

Telegram Stop has something even better:I love love love this idea. I'm a big softie for anything antique, and who do you know has received a telegram before? No one. It's like a gift in itself!! Plus, you're sure to earn some bonus points when Grandpa gets that twinkle in his eye as he remembers what it was like to actually communicate via telegrams and horse messengers and all that.

Ok, don't mention the horse and buggy thing. Grandpa might not be quite that old and you might get cut from the will for assuming such.

The best part is: sending a telegram is less than $5. Even less the more you send out. Perfect for any occasion. The sample above is for a wedding invite. Fucking swoon.

Get your Christmas telegrams out now!!
I received one for my birthday, and it came a bit late just like the good ol' days, so be sure to order it early.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Good Dick

I watched Good Dick this weekend and have been thinking about it ever since. It's the story of a nameless introverted woman (played by Marianna Palka who also wrote and directed the film) who spends her time watching soft core erotic movies and the homeless video store clerk (John Ritter) who is for some reason drawn to her.

The trailer makes it seem like the movie is a light hearted love story about lonely people. The lonely part is definitely right but I would not call it "light" in any sense of the word. Sure there are funny parts, but mostly it's the story of a really strange relationship where the man forces his way into the woman's claustrophobic life in order to force her to deal with whatever weird sexual experience she had in the past that made her so closed off.

The video store clerk, who is sleeping in his car, gets her address from her customer information and tries to set up a random run in with the woman only to scare her off. To be even more creepy he actually rings her doorbell and makes up a story about his great aunt who lives in the building dying. I don't blame the woman for holding a butcher knife when she finally relents and lets her in.

Their romantic relationship is built of cleaning, hair washing, and watching porn films together. The woman insults the man, yells at him, and is almost physically violent with him when he persists that they are in a relationship. The gender roles are reversed, she wants to be in control at all times and the dude is more than happy to cook dinner and clean the house without even the promise of sex. Sometimes when the woman would belittle the video store clerk while he almost begged for her to leave the house and meet his friends, I was reminded of shitty relationships I'd had in the past. By "in the past" I mean in like middle school and high school. But that's pretty much the level of romantic emotions that we're dealing with in these characters.

Yet somehow, in the end, Good Dick is actually a romantic comedy. I don't know how it happened with so much dysfunction flying around but despite all the porn, penis measuring, platonic sharing of beds, and faux humping, the movie actually works. So, props to Marianna Palka for creating something interesting and unnerving and hard to forget. See it, cause y'all like dick, right?