Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Punks I'd like to Fuck

Although a lot of the dudes on Punks I'd like to Fuck look like they need a good shower (and for someone to take a razor to those terrible dreds), there are some def hotties....and even one dude I've already banged. Awesome.

Like dirty boys? Find more pics for your spank bank at PILFS.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Boobquake 2010!

Better hold onto your hats tomorrow, there might be a Boobquake!

Inspired by an Iranian cleric's comments that scantily clad women can start earthquakes, blogger Jen McCreight (pictured below) jokingly suggested that we test his theory by showing some skin on the same day. And thus the Boobquake began.

On Monday, April 26 women across the country will get out their v-neck shirts, summer skirts, flip flops, or anything that shows some scandalous lady flesh, in hopes of harnessing their lady powers and starting a Boobquake. If aforementioned cleric's theory is correct, not only will the earth be rocked, but men worldwide will spontaneously combust (ok, I sort of made that last part up, but if female skin is so potent as to rock the earth, I figure we can get some heads exploding too).

Will you be involved? I say, let the tremors begin!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

This Just In: Women Want More Sex

all i can say is DUH

 According to a Pacific Magazines survey that will be published in tomorrow's Men's Health and Women's Health magazines, women want sex nearly as often as men. The research asked nearly 10,000 Australian men and women between the ages of 25 and 45 about their sex and romantic lives.

The results suggest that nearly one-third of women want sex every day in comparison to 40 percent of men. However, only 25 percent have sex weekly and a measly 20 percent have sex just once per month!
In terms of getting in the mood, one third of men and women enjoy a romantic dinner and the many (66 percent of women and 50 percent of men) list dancing as a sexual mood-enhancer.  A total of 62 percent of men and 52 percent of women claim that spending a romantic night in is the best way to set the mood for a night of passion.

Sadly, 38 percent of women feel that foreplay is too rushed and 35 percent of men are disappointed by the fact that women do not initiate sex. Over half of all respondents reported that the one thing they really want is to be seduced by a partner. Despite some complaints, participants seemed open to sexual experimentation with two-thirds reporting that they would watch porn or engage in role-play games with a partner.

(reblogged via Carnal Nation)

Friday, April 23, 2010

Jiz Is My Name

haha jiz is so fucking pro-choice only dead things come out of her vagina!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Dirty Poems Pt. II

My lady Jamie is a poet to be reckoned with. Below is another of her dirty ghazals, entitled:

A Plea from a Rejected Fuck Buddy (m)

I hear what you’re saying, but look down at my penis.

You know how well I can wield this penis.

Our repetitively secret one-night trysts

are like Miracle-Gro to my penis.

Imagine the muscles, the angles, the places you’ve kissed.

They’re nothing compared to where I’ve stuck my penis.

We could welcome a third—I have a list—

as long as there are boobies and no penis.

I’ll go to dinner without hand-holding, if you get the gist.

Just know I’m open to those hands gripping my penis.

You’re busy? But baby, I won’t use my fist

like I did before. I’ll use my penis.

You’re trying to make me jealous. I pretend I haven’t been dissed.

Good luck, I’ve seen him in the bathroom with his baby penis.

I, the Rejected Fuck Buddy, hate it when I’m not missed.

I’ll meet your friends, I’ll go on dates! Come back to my penis.

I Used to Run A Soup Kitchen In My Pants

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I Dream of Bebe Barron

Well I mean I dream about having her life. Her and her husband are credited with being the first electronic music artists in the world. Pretty fucking cool.

Ok so imagine this is totally your life, you're 22 years old. It's 1947, two years after the end of the single biggest influential event of the decade, World War II.

There are larger and larger rumblings of  the oncoming Civil Rights movement being felt throughout the country.  Television just became available to the public with 13 channels. The first computer had just been invented. During the last decade, women had experienced greater freedoms because of the war. Rosie the Riveter had become an icon of the working woman, the All American Girls Professional Baseball League ("there's no crying in baseball!") was in full swing, and women, now accustomed to a new and changing society, were creating the political and social foundations for gaining greater equalities in the workplace.

Bebe and Louis are from Minneapolis but get married and move to New York City in 1947. As wedding gift they get a tape recorder and begin recording people at their house parties.

Aren't these people like the cutest couple ever? Recording shit at their house parties? Aren't house parties the greatest?

Soon Louis starts tinkering with circuit boards, he's always loved soldering and electronics. He makes circuit boards that emit sound which Bebe records on the tape recorder.

They just fuck around. Making up "plays" where the sounds are actors.  They don't even think of it as a musical composition, though Bebe does have a musical background. They are just having fun.

Soon Bebe starts spending time listening to noises and picking out what sounds good.  She starts making new noises, using multiple tape recorders. She invents the tape loop.

She fucking invents the tape loop.

Bebe and her husband go on to record the first electronic album "Forbidden Planet" and open the first electronic music recording studio, recording the likes of Tennessee Williams and Henry Miller.

Bebe gives John Cage a boner because she's so badass and he begins encouraging her artistically, while he himself begins the authoring of a new art form.  The Barron's get involved in creating the first sound effects in film and begin a royal rein in Hollywood as the Queen and King of film sound.

Bebe's work ignited a great debate on whether her creations were of artistic or scientific value.  And she continued to work in the field of electronic recording throughout her life.

 I dream of Bebe indeed!
So when you're dancing to that Hot Chip track tonight, you can dance in honor of Bebe.

Bebe Barron
June 16, 1925 to April 20, 2008

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Happy 4/20!

Have a nice day!

Vroom vroom!

Sure, here at PoolBoy Magazine we do a lot of dirty mojito sippin', pool loungin' and hot dude boners indulgin'. We have other interests too!

I, for one, have always fancied myself to be an amateur gearhead. I love car shows and I know what I'm doing when I poke my head into an engine. Sure it helps that my panties dampen when a dude starts talking about his dually. But that's just a bonus!

I recently discovered Throttle Gals Magazine, put out by two badass chicks - Trish Horstman and Doni Langdon - whose love affair with all things gearhead has been revvin' since birth.

I just picked up Issue #2, which features loads of great features for all your mechanical crushes, including a write-up about Kali, a lady who rocks a sweet harley and owns & operates a veterinary hospital, some historical insight on Women Airforce Service Pilots, How to do an exhaust system upgrade on a bike, tech tips, book reviews... it goes on!!

I am in love with this magazine. I think they did a spectacular job putting out material for women who love engines like Bridezillas love their drama.

They're currently working on Issue #3, and I have to admit, I have a full-on girl crush for Trish and Doni. How could you not love women with passion and the drive to put out such a great magazine! If you know a certain lady who likes her truck, car, bike or supporting other bad-ass women, I def recommend picking up an issue.

Keep up the good work, ladies!!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Record Store Day!

Record Store Day was today!
Did you go?

ya know i hit up all the record stores in town. i like music and flirting with cute boys.

"could you recommend me something?" is your in ladies, use it and abuse it.

Some Pool Girl purchases from Record Store Day at Stinkweeds Record Exchange:

(Some oldies)
Broken Social Scene - You Forgot It In People

Camera Obscura - My Maudlin Career

Bat for Lashes - Fur and Gold

(Some newbs)
Broken Bells  - Broken Bells  (Danger Mouse and James Mercer (The Shins) new collaboration)

(Mercer is looking more and more like Phil Collins!!)

The XX - XX

what did you get?

Friday, April 16, 2010

dance party - put this in your weekend jam

I'm wicked addicted to how absolutely talented and cute Janelle MonĂ¡e is. And this song, which is off her soon to be released album, has me dancing around like crazy.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Thursday, April 8, 2010

For my Bookish PoolGirls

I've had jobs before where, when there's downtime, the lowly staff entertains themselves by watching music videos on YouTube, planning and detonating corn bombs (only fellow detasselers should understand that), or what have you (I once carved the JFK assassination into a pumpkin for a Halloween contest at work, just saying). Wanna know what bookish types do when it's slow at bookish jobs? Try looking through the hilarious lists on GoodReads (it's like Facebook for book nerds). Compiled by pool girl Laura, who loves to quote Spring Breakdown to me all the live long day, below are some of the best GoodReads user-created book lists.

First we have "Hottest Guy on a Cover." That one is pretty obvious. Most of the books look like romance novels and, surprisingly, there are lots of books about the Beatles. What I don't get about this list though, is why you can't see almost all of these hot cover dudes' faces. I suppose these could also be contenders for "Dude, Where's My Forehead?"

Next we have lists made by horny women. There's "Characters You Most Want to Sleep With," which obviously has Twilight's Edward Cullen in the top spot. Now, I'd bang R-Patz every which way, but the character Edward Cullen? I'm outing myself as a nerd here just by admitting I've read the atrocious Twilight series, but really Goodreads ladies? You'd like to bang a dead dude who is 100 years older than you, has killed people and probably wants to kill you, is rock hard like a statue (and not just downstairs!), and is given to stalkerish behavior like watching girls sleep, telling them who they can and cannot hang out with, and verbally belittling their intelligence and decision making skills as well as being prone to bouts of uncontrollable rage? Nice pick. Unfortunately, most of the "horney lady" lists are about paranormal romance (see JR Ward and Charlaine Harris) or teen romance (see Shiver). What are red blooded, adult, intelligent, independent women reading? My guess is they're not on Goodreads because they're too busy reading the PoolBoy blog!

Finally, we have an assortment of lists about gay male characters. There are a ton of these. From "Best Gay Furry Lovers" and "Worst Gay Book Covers" to "Best Gay Cinderfellas," Goodreads is innundated with lists about gay men. Where are all the lists about books full of straight male characters? There are some (yes but they're all about Edward Cullen!) but nothing like the number of lists about hot gay characters. Just like in the search for porn for women, straight ladies always seem to get the shaft (haha!).

There are some lists to make your downtime at work fly by. Check them out and get reading!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Death Star Trench

Hello Nerd,
Perhaps I can witness the firepower of your fully armed and operational battle station?


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Dirty Ghazal-er

My lady Jamie, being all classy and shit, wrote this dirty ghazal for her man friend. That's right, we write poems for dudes. Hot dudes. And it's not even Valentine's Day!

When I see tall, thin men, I wonder if they wear underwear
and more over, what sort? Boxers, briefs, tight fitting underwear?

Talk, more than that, whisper close to my ear, share
things that will make me think about what is under there

Depending on the date and the intention I will take care
to choose the laciest, least complicated underwear.

You and I fumble, undress, clothing flung on chairs,
afterwards, post-cuddle, we search for items - under where?

The secret I keep as you come as close as you dare:
to choose the laciest, least complicated underwear.

I have a thing for beards and all sorts of facial hair
so if you offer me a mustache ride, I'll take off my underwear.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

I would totally blog about Amy Schumer....

Dear Amy Schumer,

You're awesome.

Watch her here.

Friday, April 2, 2010

My Parents were Awesome

When you're sitting on the phone listening to your mom bitch about how you never call or that thing on her foot might be infected or why aren't you married and have kids like your sister, it's hard to imagine that at one point, she might've been rolling her eyes and pulling the biggest hit of her life from a home made gravity bong while her boyfriend grabs her boobs and puts on Dark Side of the Moon again.

Yeah, at one point, Mom might've been cool.
Don't believe it? My Parents were Awesome is the place to go to witness this absurdity.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

America The Beautiful

So Condomania, a custom condom and sex toy retailer, just released some data on America's penis sizes.

According to Condomania, they collected data from their sales database from over 27,000 men and have presented their findings by city and state.  I know what all you smart ladies are thinking, how do we know their measurements are, uh, accurate? Men tend to overestimate (roundup!) their specs amiright?

Well Condomania is in the business of accurate cock measurments because they invented the custom-fit condom, TheyFit.  Just like with our bras, many men end up wearing the wrong size condoms and the major brands of condom sizes aren't that varied (Regular, Large, XXL? What is this Communist Russia!!??!).

Condomania was all "duh" and decided to be like that old lady in the bra store that will custom fit you a bra.  Customers at Condomania go online (discreetly) and can fill out a measuring form that will give them an accurate size description and from there they can choose from over 76 condom sizes. 76!?!? That's right, one size fits all doesn't really work for cock and nor should it.  We want our poolboys to be safe and comfortable and having just as much as fun as we are, don't we?

But back to this data!  This is science folks!

Guess not everything's big in Texas because Dallas-Fort Worth ranked as the city with the smallest dicks.

And not to brag or anything but Phoenix is ranked in the top 5 cities for largest dick size.  Come on down to our cock banaza in the desert and get your fill ladies.

Oh and the number 1 city? New Orleans!  Is that spicy gumbo in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

here some other highlights from their study:
* Top Ranking State by Average Penis Size: New Hampshire
* Lowest Ranking State by Average Penis Size: Wyoming [Utah is #2 lowest.]
* Top Ranking U.S. City by Average Penis Size: New Orleans
* Second Highest Ranking City (just behind N.O.): Washington, D.C.
* Lowest Ranking City by Average Penis Size: Dallas/Ft. Worth
* Blue States vs Red States: Blue States’ Average Penis Size is Bigger.
* Penises Come in a Wide Range of Sizes: The Smallest Penises are Less Than 3″ in Length and the Largest Penises are Longer Than 10″ in Length
* Penis Sizes Chart Almost a Perfect Bell Curve: 25% of the Male Population is Under 5″ in Length, 50% are Between 5″ and 6″ in Length and 25% are Longer than 6″ in Length

(reblogged from our girl Violet Blue)

But I have to ask our readers, is it wrong to want to see which city has the biggest dicks and which city has the smallest?