Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year's Resolutions

Everyone's writing about their New Year's Resolutions.

Graphic designer Monina Velarde has created a New Year's Resolution Generator which is cool because it let's you click through a ton of resolutions and then promptly forget about them, much like in real life, but with the speed of the internet. Fuck writing that shit down.

For me, more than any resolution, New Year's Eve is like a Get Out of Jail Monopoly card.  It's a free pass to start over, no excuses.  It's a time marker, that's for sure, but a positive one.  If you're planning on losing weight this year (ladies of leisure don't need to unless it's medically advised), NYE is like a kick in the butt.  If you want to quit smoking (which you should, that shit is o'nast), you'll probably end up getting drunk tonight and smoking a shitload of cigarettes AND THEN QUITTING on the 1st.


One NYE, not so long ago, my resolution was to not get black-out drunk anymore (i was involved with some bad dick at the time and drinking the pain away, it happens).  Well i don't remember much of that new year's eve other than waking up the next day in my bathroom in only my coat and a puddle of vomit, but I haven't blacked out since.  Goddamn I'm better than that and all it took was a new year's eve to get me out of my slump.  Use and abuse it ladies, NYE is a time for redemption/rebirth/start overs.

Hamilton Wright Mabie sums it up best in this quote:
“New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no woman has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights”

So whether you're sitting on your couch or going out to get your party on tonight, have a safe and happy new year's eve and keep up the keeping up!

And never let the Horse of Judgement judge you from the 3rd floor:

P.S. PoolBoy Magazine's 2010 Resolutions are to put out our first issue (almost done!) and continue to be badass.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

DIY in 2010

As we head into 2010 the economy is still lagging and times still hard for today's working lady. We need to get creative about finding jobs and other ways to survive and thrive. Think outside the box and all that crap. But if Meghann Rosales of Jug Wine comix can't find a job with this vesume than we're all screwed.

Check out the first issue of PoolBoy Magazine, coming spring 2010, to see more Jug Wine comix.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Happy Jonas Holidays

Happy Holidays! Be safe, just like the abstinence loving Jonas brothers:

Married Jonas Brother Says Sex Not Worth the Wait

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - Just days after tying the knot after years of abstinence, Kevin Jonas of the pop sensation the Jonas Brothers stunned his teenaged fans by announcing that "to be honest about it, sex was not worth the wait."

"After we did it, I was kind of like, that's it?" Mr. Jonas told reporters at a New York press conference.

As to whether Mr. Jonas' bride agreed with his "that's it?" assessment, Mr. Jonas remarked, "That's what she said."

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry XXXMas from PoolBoy Magazine

Hope all you naughty pool girls get lots of presents!



this what came up when i googled "naughty santa"

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The Devil in Massive Attack

The new Massive Attack video for "Paradise Circus" is right up our alley. And it's not just because the video features clips of Georgina Spelvin talking about her career as a porn star interspersed with actual clips of her in films like "The Devil in Miss Jones." Ok, it's mostly for that reason (long live 70's porn body hair!) but the music is pretty nice as well. A commenter on stereogum said it the best, "Like all of Massive Attack's best work, it makes me want to smoke lots of pot."

The video is totes NSFW, as stereogum reminds you again and again.

Spelvin talking about her attempt at prostitution and that magical moment of orgasm.

Spelvin in her porn days.

Two questions: what's with the snake and why is everyone so sweaty?

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Friday Night Hottie

It's been chilly in Phoenix. I'm not going to say "cold" because it doesn't really get "cold" here as the rest of the country would define the word. Still, on these chilly December nights, all I want to do is drink some wine by the fire and maybe watch something with a hot dude in it, something like Friday Night Lights. I've only seen the first 4 episodes of the third season of this TV drama about the politics of high school football in a small Texas town, but I've seen enough to know that the hottie quota has more than been filled by Taylor Kitsch, who plays party boy Tim Riggins.

Kitsch might not play a very good Gambit (dude is from Louisiana = he should have a hot accent), and I did worry that it may just be my propensity for losers (sorry, Tim Riggins is sort of a douche), but shirt or no shirt (and thankfully he does seem to lose his shirt a lot in the show) Taylor Kitsch is nice to look at on a cold winter's night.

Oh, you don't believe me? How do you like these apples, hmm?

I would def put a little Taylor Kitsch in my body.

Thursday, December 10, 2009


Hey Ladies and Pool Boys!

Now you can follow us on Twitter!!

Get your latest updates on our magazine, events and much more!

Remember to keep your friends close, and your spank bank supplied with extra batteries!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Tall Skinny Boy Salute

For Bontie.

(I'm pretty sure this is not really r-patz but it's a good photoshop job so what the heck)

I don't know why you tall skinny bastards exist, but I'm sure glad that you do.

Monday, December 7, 2009

The Spirits will be here

All this talk about New Moon (or Twilight 2 as our local theater called it) on this blog! But our collective culture can't help but want to sex up, hate, make fun of and then sex up again this tween drama and its hot male co-stars.

Here's a really funny video by Creek/Seminole director Sterlin Harjo of a spoof of the auditions for the New Moon 'Wolfpack'


New Moon Wolf Pack Auditions from sterlinharjo on Vimeo.

Native dudes = hot to the max

Friday, December 4, 2009

Fuck me, Sparkle Boy.

I don't give a damn about all the Twilight buzz fluttering around, and hearing about a sparkly Edward Cullen inspired dildo made by Tantus Direct really doesn't surprise me.

The part I do like: Check out the reviews.

OMG I love the vamp I glued a bunch of hair from my moms wigs onto it and pretended it's Jacob :] GO VAMP!

This dildo is AMAAAZING. I have 7 of them so I have enough to imagine Edward Cullen ramming every orifice in my body with his sparkling peen. I also like to attach them to my grandma while she's sleeping and pretend she's a giant vampire cockmonster. so hot

Dildo? Holy shit! I thought this was a child's toy! O__o; Well, looks like my nephew is going to get a strange surprise mailed to him for his birthday this week.


HAHAHAHA, I fucking love people.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Seasons Greetings: Holiday Gifts #3

When I was a little kid, my Grandma used to tape up all the cards she got during the holidays on the walls in the kitchen.

Most blended together. Nothing remarkable about that same little house covered in snow with it's one glowing yellow light. Yes, it looks inviting, but not when you see that same stupid card year after year. Plus, it's embarrassing when you see that someone else had the same idea you did and stole a couple from the local church. Hey, those things can get expensive and who knew the Catholic church in Missouri where Aunt Jean goes bought their cards from the same printers.

Telegram Stop has something even better:I love love love this idea. I'm a big softie for anything antique, and who do you know has received a telegram before? No one. It's like a gift in itself!! Plus, you're sure to earn some bonus points when Grandpa gets that twinkle in his eye as he remembers what it was like to actually communicate via telegrams and horse messengers and all that.

Ok, don't mention the horse and buggy thing. Grandpa might not be quite that old and you might get cut from the will for assuming such.

The best part is: sending a telegram is less than $5. Even less the more you send out. Perfect for any occasion. The sample above is for a wedding invite. Fucking swoon.

Get your Christmas telegrams out now!!
I received one for my birthday, and it came a bit late just like the good ol' days, so be sure to order it early.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Good Dick

I watched Good Dick this weekend and have been thinking about it ever since. It's the story of a nameless introverted woman (played by Marianna Palka who also wrote and directed the film) who spends her time watching soft core erotic movies and the homeless video store clerk (John Ritter) who is for some reason drawn to her.

The trailer makes it seem like the movie is a light hearted love story about lonely people. The lonely part is definitely right but I would not call it "light" in any sense of the word. Sure there are funny parts, but mostly it's the story of a really strange relationship where the man forces his way into the woman's claustrophobic life in order to force her to deal with whatever weird sexual experience she had in the past that made her so closed off.

The video store clerk, who is sleeping in his car, gets her address from her customer information and tries to set up a random run in with the woman only to scare her off. To be even more creepy he actually rings her doorbell and makes up a story about his great aunt who lives in the building dying. I don't blame the woman for holding a butcher knife when she finally relents and lets her in.

Their romantic relationship is built of cleaning, hair washing, and watching porn films together. The woman insults the man, yells at him, and is almost physically violent with him when he persists that they are in a relationship. The gender roles are reversed, she wants to be in control at all times and the dude is more than happy to cook dinner and clean the house without even the promise of sex. Sometimes when the woman would belittle the video store clerk while he almost begged for her to leave the house and meet his friends, I was reminded of shitty relationships I'd had in the past. By "in the past" I mean in like middle school and high school. But that's pretty much the level of romantic emotions that we're dealing with in these characters.

Yet somehow, in the end, Good Dick is actually a romantic comedy. I don't know how it happened with so much dysfunction flying around but despite all the porn, penis measuring, platonic sharing of beds, and faux humping, the movie actually works. So, props to Marianna Palka for creating something interesting and unnerving and hard to forget. See it, cause y'all like dick, right?

Monday, November 30, 2009

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Most Expensive Meal You Will Ever Eat

Hot Athletes

There has been an ongoing conversation between the pool girls about what sport produces the hottest athlete bodies. Here and now we shall put this debate to rest.

Obvs some sports were thrown out from the beginning:

golf - no one looks hot in those pants.
bowling - is that even a sport?
skiing - you can't see their bodies, though I'm sure they have awesome legs.
weight lifting - dudes get way too meaty.

Other sports we considered but threw out for different reasons:

tennis - yes that young dude that dated Mandy Moore was pretty hot and tennis works the whole body but other sports just produced more hotties. Sorry Sampras fans.
football - hells yes these dudes are hot and there is much nice ass to be checked out during NFL games. Yet, aside from the occasional kicker, football players are a bit too beefcake for my taste. Though I will keep looking at those butts.
rugby - These dudes usually get too buff as well. They get points for the majority of the hot ones being Aussies though. Everyone wants to bang a dude with an accent, am I right? Also:

Here we come to the finalists.

Soccer - These dudes have finesse with the ball, are able to change speeds quickly, and can be pretty rough. Makes you wonder what they'd be like in bed. Plus, soccer uses the whole body so the athletes get ripped everywhere without being overly beefcake. Some examples:

Thanks, Posh.

Who is this guy? I don't know but he's hot.

And finally, I give you, the Italian soccer team:

Mama mia!

Hold on though, there are still some serious challengers.

Like, Basketball - These dudes are tttaallll as hell and have amazing arms and nice legs from all that sprinting. You still see the ocassaional hefty dude for ladies who love some softness. Really it's the height and insane arms that do it for me.

KG getting it done for Boston.

Tony Parker loses points for playing for the Spurs and being French but he's still pretty cute. Nice butt too.

Overall Basketball is out of the finals for not making NBA players wear these shorts anymore.

A little old school Stockton for the lady of leisure.

But wait! Now that basketball has been thrown out we have another serious contender...

Swimming - Have you ever swam competitively? Holy hell is it a workout. Your whole body is pushed. You get crazy long muscular legs and your arms get all firm and well jeez, do I even have to talk about swimmer's abs? Insane. Swimmers can hold their breaths forever (hello staying downtown until the lady gets hers!), don't mind getting wet (bowchingawowow), and spend most of their time in little speedos. Also they're usually pretty tall (heart tall boys!). Here's some swimmer eye candy:

Did you think I would start this with anyone other than pot smoking hottie Michael Phelps? I've heard he's a slut (who wouldn't be with that body?) and not the best in bed (sad face) but I'd still hit it and I bet you would too. Do you think he's pushing that lady hand away or about to push it down near those awful pelvic tattoos? He's all, "no, the gold medal is further south..."

Remember Aussie Ian Thorpe? He may play for the other team but dude is still pretty hot. more Michael Phelps just for good measure...

God Bless America.

So what say you? Are we missing any obvious sports? Cycling perhaps? We probably should have included runners but sometimes those dudes get too skinny and the last thing I want to think about during bone time is how my man friend's legs look thinner than mine.

Soccer players vs swimmers, what will be the ultimate hot body sport? I can't quite decide myself. This might have to end in a tie...

Good Morning

Monday, November 23, 2009

That's A DealBreaker Ladies

Love this blog called Dealbreaker by funnies Marisa and Dave.  They have long list of reasons why they won't date you, including:

- You're Lady GaGa
- You don't like watching Degrassi
- You have swine flu
- You're an American Apparel Model
- You're Jeff Goldblum (“God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates Man. Man destroys God. Man creates Dinosaurs”)
- You have the same name as my dad
- You hate unicorns
- You won't kiss me after oral
- You don't "get" Radiohead
- You're not Mark Ruffalo

and many, many more (You're too hot, You say "vagine")

Some of my dealbreakers:
- you are homeless
- you are grossed out by body hair on women
- you are a republican
- you hit on me using Myspace
- you don't like to swim
- you are Mormon
- you lied about graduating from high school
- you constantly talk about how awesome California is
- you are Glen Beck/Bill O'Reily/Fox News/Ann Coulter/Newt Gingrich/an asshole

what are some of your dealbreakers?

Friday, November 20, 2009

Thursday, November 19, 2009

A different kind of porn: Beautiful Agony

I love coming.

Anytime, anywhere... Bring it on.

Well, almost. I'm not interested in sharing my Oh! face with everyone in the frozen aisle of the supermarket. I don't need a coupon hording grandma judging me and my reason for screaming "Keyser Söze!" up against the ice cream freezer.

Let her judge these Oh! faces:

Beautiful Agony is a site that shows videos (made in private by the contributor or their partner) of their moment of bliss.

Beautiful Agony
says, "This may be the most erotic thing you have ever seen, yet the only nudity it contains is from the neck up. That's where people are truly naked."

That's right, the video focuses on their facial expressions! We don't know what they're doing, or how they are doing it, we just know it's sometimes funny, sometimes touching, but over all, kind of hot!

This site was recommended to me ages ago. Although I've never paid for a subscription, they have plenty of free vids to get you revved up and interested.

Although maybe judgy mcgrandma has a coupon for it in her shopping cart. I'll ask her next time she rolls by and glares while I steam up the pints of Butterfinger Blast.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

What the what?!

Apparently for some people crazy Sarah Palin just isn't crazy enough. According to Mother Jones, "For the Denver-based American Right to Life, when it comes to abortion, Palin is as impure as any godless feminist." Palin and feminist in the same sentence, for shame!

The ARTL contests that Palin has bedded down with the heathen feminists as exampled by her description of "the morning after pill as contraception rather than an abortifacient," and by "Palin’s statement to the Anchorage Daily News that she opposes the "use of public funds for elective abortions." This means, according to ARTL, that Palin supports taxpayer funding for non-elective abortions." "

So wait...they're saying we should call Palin anti-choice because of that stuff instead of her stats on reproductive rights? These stats are hard to overlook: Palin's "hometown required women to pay for their own rape examinations while she was mayor, a practice her police chief fought to keep as late as 2000" or "Alaska has the worst record of any state in rape. The rape rate in Alaska is 2.5 times the national average." Kinda makes you wonder what Palin's doing for women if she's not protecting them from violence. Oh yeah, she's probably fighting for the rights of their possible unborn fetuses instead. Unless the you might die during child birth. Then abortion is okay. But not if you're raped. Then the kid is still tops. So you better hope you have a chance of dying if you want to toss that bun.

ARL also doesn't like Palin for teaming up with that ole' knight of women's health, John McCain, "whom the National Right to Life Committee dubbed a "significant threat to future advances by the pro-life movement" back in 2000. (It endorsed him in 2008.)" But McCain went and got crazy enough to satisfy the National Right to Life! Is he still not enough of a cowboy for ARL's high standards? Damn, thems some harsh parents.

Beware the ARTL though, in their fanatical self-grandising they believe they have some clout. Did you know it was not Mormonism nor tying the family dog to the top of the car on vacation (see Romeny's Cruel Canine Vacation),that did Mitt Romney in last year, as well all thought? No no, it was actually the ARTL making some crazy commercials that aired in South Carolina and Iowa outing Romney as a fake anti-choicer. Of course, the ARTL spokesman points out that while they "can't say don't vote for Mitt Romney, but you can say Romney is the son of the devil and if you vote for him you'll go to hell." Nothin' like scarin' some hicks into believing you! (heart you iowa)

What's more frightening than how radical these people have to be to consider Sarah Palin pro-choice, is that people like that actually exist. I have to admit though, I'm sort of glad there are some people from the dark side protesting crazy pants Palin. Maybe if both sides hate her she'll go rouge back in Alaska and fade from the national consciousness.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Face it

Ever gone through Bust Magazine's Girl Wide Web links page on their website?

Bust is one of my pop culture bibles. It is seriously one of the coolest magazines ever made and their website is rad and filled with cool shit.  Their Girl Wide Web is a page of user submitted links with a sex section titled Sex-E, and a subsection on Erotica & Porn (I wish these two weren't lumped together but whatevs). I love trolling through these links.

Yes, there are a lot of bad personal blogs and a shitload of weird/shitty/hot/good/awful erotic fiction sites, but you also come across some gems. Like this one I found today titled Artistic Nude Male Photography which links to a url called

The user submitted link description reads:
Amateur site featuring a collection of black and white self portrait nude photos. The site is aimed at a female audience and shows the nude male form in an erotic but tasteful and artistic manner.

Hey ladies.
Are you wet yet?

You know by the following bombs i just dropped on you that this site is going to be hilarious:

1. the title of the listing is Artistic Nude Male Photography

2. the url name sounds like a Miami real estate company (only a dude would register a domain name called I wonder how many retired couples looking to buy a condo accidentally go to his site on a daily basis)

3.the use of the following words in the link description: nude, male, form, erotic, but tasteful, artistic

Friday, November 13, 2009

Hey Girl

I know we just did a Ryan Gosling post (See Dead Man's Bones) but this blog is hilarious:

Hey girl
Happy Friday