Monday, November 30, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Obvs some sports were thrown out from the beginning:
golf - no one looks hot in those pants.
bowling - is that even a sport?
skiing - you can't see their bodies, though I'm sure they have awesome legs.
weight lifting - dudes get way too meaty.
Other sports we considered but threw out for different reasons:
tennis - yes that young dude that dated Mandy Moore was pretty hot and tennis works the whole body but other sports just produced more hotties. Sorry Sampras fans.
football - hells yes these dudes are hot and there is much nice ass to be checked out during NFL games. Yet, aside from the occasional kicker, football players are a bit too beefcake for my taste. Though I will keep looking at those butts.
rugby - These dudes usually get too buff as well. They get points for the majority of the hot ones being Aussies though. Everyone wants to bang a dude with an accent, am I right? Also:
Here we come to the finalists.
Soccer - These dudes have finesse with the ball, are able to change speeds quickly, and can be pretty rough. Makes you wonder what they'd be like in bed. Plus, soccer uses the whole body so the athletes get ripped everywhere without being overly beefcake. Some examples:
Who is this guy? I don't know but he's hot.
And finally, I give you, the Italian soccer team:
Hold on though, there are still some serious challengers.
Like, Basketball - These dudes are tttaallll as hell and have amazing arms and nice legs from all that sprinting. You still see the ocassaional hefty dude for ladies who love some softness. Really it's the height and insane arms that do it for me.
KG getting it done for Boston.
Tony Parker loses points for playing for the Spurs and being French but he's still pretty cute. Nice butt too.
Overall Basketball is out of the finals for not making NBA players wear these shorts anymore.
A little old school Stockton for the lady of leisure.
But wait! Now that basketball has been thrown out we have another serious contender...
Swimming - Have you ever swam competitively? Holy hell is it a workout. Your whole body is pushed. You get crazy long muscular legs and your arms get all firm and well jeez, do I even have to talk about swimmer's abs? Insane. Swimmers can hold their breaths forever (hello staying downtown until the lady gets hers!), don't mind getting wet (bowchingawowow), and spend most of their time in little speedos. Also they're usually pretty tall (heart tall boys!). Here's some swimmer eye candy:
Did you think I would start this with anyone other than pot smoking hottie Michael Phelps? I've heard he's a slut (who wouldn't be with that body?) and not the best in bed (sad face) but I'd still hit it and I bet you would too. Do you think he's pushing that lady hand away or about to push it down near those awful pelvic tattoos? He's all, "no, the gold medal is further south..."
Remember Aussie Ian Thorpe? He may play for the other team but dude is still pretty hot.
And...one more Michael Phelps just for good measure...
God Bless America.
So what say you? Are we missing any obvious sports? Cycling perhaps? We probably should have included runners but sometimes those dudes get too skinny and the last thing I want to think about during bone time is how my man friend's legs look thinner than mine.
Soccer players vs swimmers, what will be the ultimate hot body sport? I can't quite decide myself. This might have to end in a tie...
Monday, November 23, 2009
Love this blog called Dealbreaker by funnies Marisa and Dave. They have long list of reasons why they won't date you, including:
- You're Lady GaGa
- You don't like watching Degrassi
- You have swine flu
- You're an American Apparel Model
- You're Jeff Goldblum (“God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates Man. Man destroys God. Man creates Dinosaurs”)
- You have the same name as my dad
- You hate unicorns
- You won't kiss me after oral
- You don't "get" Radiohead
- You're not Mark Ruffalo
and many, many more (You're too hot, You say "vagine")
Some of my dealbreakers:
- you are homeless
- you are grossed out by body hair on women
- you are a republican
- you hit on me using Myspace
- you don't like to swim
- you are Mormon
- you lied about graduating from high school
- you constantly talk about how awesome California is
- you are Glen Beck/Bill O'Reily/Fox News/Ann Coulter/Newt Gingrich/an asshole
what are some of your dealbreakers?
Friday, November 20, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Anytime, anywhere... Bring it on.
Well, almost. I'm not interested in sharing my Oh! face with everyone in the frozen aisle of the supermarket. I don't need a coupon hording grandma judging me and my reason for screaming "Keyser Söze!" up against the ice cream freezer.
Let her judge these Oh! faces:
Beautiful Agony is a site that shows videos (made in private by the contributor or their partner) of their moment of bliss.
Beautiful Agony says, "This may be the most erotic thing you have ever seen, yet the only nudity it contains is from the neck up. That's where people are truly naked."
That's right, the video focuses on their facial expressions! We don't know what they're doing, or how they are doing it, we just know it's sometimes funny, sometimes touching, but over all, kind of hot!
This site was recommended to me ages ago. Although I've never paid for a subscription, they have plenty of free vids to get you revved up and interested.
Although maybe judgy mcgrandma has a coupon for it in her shopping cart. I'll ask her next time she rolls by and glares while I steam up the pints of Butterfinger Blast.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The ARTL contests that Palin has bedded down with the heathen feminists as exampled by her description of "the morning after pill as contraception rather than an abortifacient," and by "Palin’s statement to the Anchorage Daily News that she opposes the "use of public funds for elective abortions." This means, according to ARTL, that Palin supports taxpayer funding for non-elective abortions." "
So wait...they're saying we should call Palin anti-choice because of that stuff instead of her stats on reproductive rights? These stats are hard to overlook: Palin's "hometown required women to pay for their own rape examinations while she was mayor, a practice her police chief fought to keep as late as 2000" or "Alaska has the worst record of any state in rape. The rape rate in Alaska is 2.5 times the national average." Kinda makes you wonder what Palin's doing for women if she's not protecting them from violence. Oh yeah, she's probably fighting for the rights of their possible unborn fetuses instead. Unless the you might die during child birth. Then abortion is okay. But not if you're raped. Then the kid is still tops. So you better hope you have a chance of dying if you want to toss that bun.
ARL also doesn't like Palin for teaming up with that ole' knight of women's health, John McCain, "whom the National Right to Life Committee dubbed a "significant threat to future advances by the pro-life movement" back in 2000. (It endorsed him in 2008.)" But McCain went and got crazy enough to satisfy the National Right to Life! Is he still not enough of a cowboy for ARL's high standards? Damn, thems some harsh parents.
Beware the ARTL though, in their fanatical self-grandising they believe they have some clout. Did you know it was not Mormonism nor tying the family dog to the top of the car on vacation (see Romeny's Cruel Canine Vacation),that did Mitt Romney in last year, as well all thought? No no, it was actually the ARTL making some crazy commercials that aired in South Carolina and Iowa outing Romney as a fake anti-choicer. Of course, the ARTL spokesman points out that while they "can't say don't vote for Mitt Romney, but you can say Romney is the son of the devil and if you vote for him you'll go to hell." Nothin' like scarin' some hicks into believing you! (heart you iowa)
What's more frightening than how radical these people have to be to consider Sarah Palin pro-choice, is that people like that actually exist. I have to admit though, I'm sort of glad there are some people from the dark side protesting crazy pants Palin. Maybe if both sides hate her she'll go rouge back in Alaska and fade from the national consciousness.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Bust is one of my pop culture bibles. It is seriously one of the coolest magazines ever made and their website is rad and filled with cool shit. Their Girl Wide Web is a page of user submitted links with a sex section titled Sex-E, and a subsection on Erotica & Porn (I wish these two weren't lumped together but whatevs). I love trolling through these links.
Yes, there are a lot of bad personal blogs and a shitload of weird/shitty/hot/good/awful erotic fiction sites, but you also come across some gems. Like this one I found today titled Artistic Nude Male Photography which links to a url called www.primeviews.com.
The user submitted link description reads:
Amateur site featuring a collection of black and white self portrait nude photos. The site is aimed at a female audience and shows the nude male form in an erotic but tasteful and artistic manner.
Are you wet yet?
You know by the following bombs i just dropped on you that this site is going to be hilarious:
1. the title of the listing is Artistic Nude Male Photography
2. the url name sounds like a Miami real estate company (only a dude would register a domain name called primeviews.com. I wonder how many retired couples looking to buy a condo accidentally go to his site on a daily basis)
3.the use of the following words in the link description: nude, male, form, erotic, but tasteful, artistic
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
The ladylike response:
Meet, the GoGirl.
The GoGirl is a pink, silicone funnel designed to allow women to pee standing up. Perfect for long road trips with no rest stop breaks (Arizona closed 13 of it's 18 state rest stops. That's a dangerously long drive when you've filled up on truck stop coffee), when you have to face a frozen toilet seat at 3am, or when you'd like to see how far your cousin's jaws will drop when they look over and see "Ophelia" in perfect cursive next to their's in the snow bank (including the dotted "i", thankyouverymuch).
Your Mama reviews it here.
Buy it through their site! It comes in a discreet tube (pink or camo colored, to make camping a little more bearable), and comes with tissues and a baggie. They can be dispose of at any time, or washed and used again!
I intend on sticking one in Grandma's stocking. Sure, she's dead, but maybe there aren't any rest stops in Hell either.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Normally I would shy away from reading reports by an organization called the Parents Television Council because I'm always a little scared of any type of organization trying to curb 1st amendment rights - not that this org is trying to do that but I'm always brought back to images of people burning books or rap cds or condemning nudity on tv.
However, this report's findings are SHOCKING.
Some of the major findings in the report:
Incidents of violence against women and teenage girls are increasing on television at rates that far exceed the overall increases in violence on television. Violence, irrespective of gender, on television increased only 2% from 2004 to 2009, while incidents of violence against women increased 120% during that same period.
The most frequent type of violence against women on television was beating (29%), followed by credible threats of violence (18%), shooting (11%), rape (8%), stabbing (6%), and torture (2%). Violence against women resulted in death 19% of the time.
Violence towards women or the graphic consequences of violence tends overwhelmingly to be depicted (92%) rather than implied (5%) or described (3%).
Every network but ABC demonstrated a significant increase in the number of storylines that included violence against women between 2004 and 2009.
Although female victims were primarily of adult age, collectively, there was a 400% increase in the depiction of teen girls as victims across all networks from 2004 to 2009.
Fox stood out for using violence against women as a punch line in its comedies -- in particular Family Guy and American Dad -- trivializing the gravity of the issue of violence against women.
From 2004 to 2009 there was an 81% increase in incidences of intimate partner violence on television.
Yowza! Total sad face at this.
One would think that maybe Lifetime's repeats of Mother May I Sleep With Danger? could be the cause of this drastic increase but the study only looked at the major broadcasting networks (FOX, ABC, CBS, and NBC)! Imagine the results if they checked out HBO, USA, Showtime and FX?
It makes sad sense when you see headlines like "15 Year Old Girl Gang Raped As Crowd Looks On" and then read that depictions of violence against teenage girls has risen 400% since 2004.
It's true that our rates of violent crimes have been slowly dropping since 1997, but goddamn! We can't see positive portrayals of two consenting adults sexing each other up on CBS?
As a culture are we really that cool with showing women getting raped and tortured on CSI vs some hot nakedness?
I'm totally writing a letter to each channel's president to tell them that as a female viewer, I am disgusted at the amount of depictions of violence against women they choose to feature on their networks and that they can count out my viewership if these alarming trends continue.
Here's the networks addys if you want to write your own emails or letters (ironically 3 of the 4 network presidents are women!):
Mr. Jeff Zucker, President
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112
Ms. Nina Tassler
President, CBS Entertainment
7800 Beverly Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90039-2112
Anne Sweeney, President
500 S. Buena Vista St
Burbank, CA 91521-4551
(818) 560-1000 or
Ms. Gail Berman, President
Fox Broadcasting Co.
P.O. Box 900
Beverly Hills, CA 90213
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
A spring break movie in the vein of Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise, Spring Breakdown stars an almost exclusively female cast and features cameos from all your favorite female comic actors (Tina Fey is the only big exception I can think of). These are some of the ladies who appear:
Mae Whitman (Bland Ann Veal from Arrested Development)
Jane Lynch (made you pee your pants in several Christopher Guest films)
Sarah Hagan (Millie from Freaks and Geeks!)
Amber Tamblyn (Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants...)
Missi Pyle (Fran Stalinovskovichdavidovitchsky in Dodgeball. Been in a lot of other things. Totally hilarious here.)
Throw a little Will Arnett (Arrested Development, Poehler's husband IRL) and Seth Myers (SNL) in there and we're talking comic gold! Dratch co-wrote the story about three best friends who are, basically, big losers. Assigned a special mission to keep a (female) politician's crazy daughter out of trouble during spring break, they head down to South Padre Island for another chance at being cool. There's Wilson Philips tunes, electric slide dancing, women's studies jokes, balls references, and hot dudes hooking up with way less attractive ladies (just like the opposite of all those TV shows!).
I thought there was no way a straight to DVD movie could be as good as the few reviews I had read of Spring Breakdown, but I was so wrong, so so wrong. It's a shame that seeing a movie with an all female cast is such an exciting prospect when movies featuring no female characters (except possibly a one dimensional love interest) hit the big screen all the time. The real shame though, is that Spring Breakdown wasn't given the chance to run in theaters, most likely because people in the movie business still think there's no money to be made in movies with female leads that aren't romantic comedies. I would have paid to see Spring Breakdown in a theater. I've certainly paid to see movies that were ten times less funny....
.....like Fired Up! But wait! I only saw it cuz this dude is hot:
Monday, November 9, 2009
This blog is awesome! Ladies send in pics they've taken of cute boys and the author critiques the subject's hotness in hilarious ways.
There are some cute boys on this site that would definitely make me nervous!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
We know you lovely ladies (and potential pool peen) are super busy, so we're here to help suggest some fine consumables to pick up for loved ones this holiday season.
Keep your eyes on this blog, for new gift suggestions regularly.
Holiday Gift Find #1:
For your 15 year old neice (or our badass Editor-in-Cheif, Clitical Sass!):Hey look, Rpatz wants in your pants.
And the best part:
He knows the right place to keep his mouth.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
(I'll use any excuse to post pictures of Rpatz)
Anyway, it blows my mind that there's even a question about Hollywood double standards concerning the sexualization of actors and actressess. Duh.
Methinks Taylor doesn't look quite as scared here as Miley did in her pics though...
Nice v-line kid, well done.