Your brain on Durex

At first I thought these new Durex ads were pretty sweet. They're so simple and sometimes when having sex it can feel like one's whole body is just a sea of single thoughts. But some of the thoughts on these ads are a little creepy. I get the "tasty" in her throat and "satisfied" and "contented" running up her legs and even the "fruit" that her loins are thinking (and "tousled" in her hair is great), but what's with her boobs thinking "boobs" over and over? My boobs are usually thinking "touch me!" when I find myself in this position.

And what's with the dude's body mostly thinking "fatal error" while his man parts suddenly become "intelligence" and "wisdom"? I haven't met a lot of dudes whose dicks struck me as suddenly wise and intelligent when they found said cock in my mouth.

Want to see what ladies are thinking when we're actually getting some deep dicking? The Sexist breaks down how female orgasms happen in mythological afterlives while Jezebel takes us through where "confused" comes in while ladies ride on top (see below).

"The most annoying thing about these ads is that they have the potential to be really good - if they made a little more sense. The female body is shown as a complex textbook of emotions, while men are reduced to one single thought (or less). Naturally, Krahne wants to play up the sexy part of sex, but wouldn't it be funnier if the oral sex-woman was thinking about "suction," "teeth," "knee pain" or if we wanted to be really honest, "this condom tastes like a Fruit Roll-Up that has been sprayed with Lysol." Also, we appreciate that it takes a certain about of strain to maintain that position for men, but it's not exactly a cakewalk for us either. Finally, maybe instead of "confusion," a woman on the brink of an orgasm could be shown thinking "hells yes!" or at the very least "don't stop." " (Jezebel)

The CBS Super Anti-Choice Bowl

Have you all been hearing about this?
That powerful television network CBS is hosting the Super Bowl this year.

We all know that it's fun to watch the multi-million dollar ads during the super bowl show. And CBS's long held policy is that they won't air ads that take sides on controversial issues like gun control, gay marriage etc. In fact, in the past, CBS has turned down advocacy ads it deemed controversial, including ads from MoveOn.org and the progressive United Church of Christ.

HOWEVER.
Apparently attacks on women's rights is not a controversial issue and the network has accepted several million dollars (CBS charges 2.5-2.8 million for a 30second spot) from Focus on the Family (aptly named because women have never focused on their families) to air an anti-choice ad during this years Super Bowl.

CBS has cleared the way to subject nearly 100 million people to Focus on the Family’s extreme agenda by agreeing to air its new anti-choice ad during the Super Bowl. This ad reportedly promotes the decision of one woman to go against her doctor's advice to terminate an at-risk pregnancy, as the right decision that all women should make.

Focus on the Family has an unmistakable anti-choice, anti-birth-control, anti-sex-education, and anti-gay rights agenda. If that wasn’t bad enough, its views on women are just plain insulting and dangerous. For example, its web site urges women facing an unintended pregnancy to seek "wise advice” (presumably from them) because “the hormones and extreme emotions of pregnancy make reasonable decisions more difficult.”
Apparently you have the right to choose but only if it agrees with their agenda.


Hey you crazy dumb bitches, you're all nutso cuz you're preggers right? You can't make your own decisions! Don't eat that! You should be locked away in your house during your pregnancy! Let an extremist religious organization make the decisions for you!! We kill doctors!

Orphans not abortions!! amiright?!?

Super Bowl ads are already filled with a bunch of sexist commercials that completely ignore 50% of their customers/sports fans, reducing women to naggy girlfriends or T&A Beer holders, and now we have to watch an ad that tells us we're dumb and shouldn't be able to decide what we want for ourselves?

Do we really need anti-choice propaganda (or any politics) pushed in our faces during a football game? What happened to just watching a bunch of men run around on a big field in tights and jump on each other?

Here's where you can tell CBS to eat it:
Naral Petition to urge CBS to not run the ad or except money from hate groups

The Women's Media Center's Not Under The Bus Petition

NOW has an email form you can send to CBS

FYI:
Women are vastly under-represented in high-level decision making roles at the television networks (and pretty much all media outlets). Despite this disadvantage, NBC managed to make the right decision last year, refusing to run an anti-choice ad during the Super Bowl. Anti-choice forces are on the offensive. They don't want to help women make informed decisions -- they want to, in the words of Focus on the Family, make abortion "both illegal and unthinkable." We must stand up to their campaign to deny women their fundamental rights.

For re-tweeting:
Tweet: RT @womensmediacntr Tell @CBS and @NFL to scrap Focus on the Family's anti-choice #superbowl ad! #underthebus http://bit.ly/7Zs8jq

Please spread the word!

To Shave or Not to Shave

Apparently Mo'Nique blew everyone's minds at the Golden Globes the other night because she *gasp* DID NOT SHAVE HER LEGS. A woman having hairy legs is so crazy in this day and age that the New York Daily News wrote an article about it. Actually, there is some awesome stuff in the article, like how the headline asks if Mo'Nique is the "least superficial actress ever?" (although they make that sound like a bad thing).


I give total props to Mo'Nique for not being ashamed (she pulled up her long skirt on the runway to show off her au natural yams!) and for publicaly speaking out for natural body hair (on The View in 2006). However, I could have done without this comment:

"I really think hair on a woman's legs is a black woman's thing," she later added, after pointing out that she does shave under her arms to avoid "stink."

First, no way, hairy armpits on ladies are hot and do not stink unless you just got done running a marathon or something and then I'd argue that even hairless armpits would stink. Second, body hair is a human issue, I don't care if you're white, black, a tranny, or a Yankees fan.

Shall we discuss why American culture is so obsessed with women being hairless? I've heard before that women of the night shaved their armpits, legs, and public hair back when the west was still wild to prove to clients that they didn't have lice or crabs. I've also heard that getting women to shave was all a big marketing blight so that companies that sold hair removal products could make more money. So what is better, that a common cultural, sexist (why don't dudes shave their armpits if it's so unsanitary to let that shit grow?) practice originated from whores or that American women were duped by companies who wanted their dollars at the expense of their self esteem (people are still horrified when they see hairy pits, trust me. That can wreck havoc on a lady's sense of self worth if you let it.)? I'd say both those reasons are pretty lame. Shave if you want to or don't, it doesn't really matter. But let's stop the hating on ladies that chose to let it grow, shall we?

Oh, and I like how the Mo'Nique articles ends on such a catty, backhanded compliment:

"Love it or hate it, she's one actress you can't say is overly obsessed with her appearance."

Obviously hairy women is something the US is still trying to get a grip on. I, for one, say bravo to all the ladies out there that choose not to shave AND to show it off. Bravo, Mo'Nique, keep raising up that skirt! Oh, and congrats on that Golden Globe too!

Super Bangable

So I've just started watching that tv show Heroes (i know, what year is it?! 2004?!) and last night, as i leisurely lounged in front of the tv, my sister asked me which super power I would want out of all the super powers on the show.  This question got me thinking about super hot super hereos and which ones were bangable and which ones I would rather not see in tights.  I tend to always move important philosophical discussions towards the topic of sex, it's my super power.

Here's my list of Movie/TV Versions of Super Heroes That I would Totally Bang:

Batman

Definitely Michael Keaton (back in the day yo), definitely Christian Bale, probably George Clooney (a classic move) and maybe if I've had a few glasses of wine, Val Kilmer.
But most definitely Bruce Wayne.

Wolverine

Australians and sideburns have never been this sexy together.

Superman

RIP to the motherfucking classic.

Iron Man

Yes Robert Downey, Jr.  I will totally bang you.

Knight Rider

Would I bang back-in-the-day David Hasselhoff?

Sie wetteten doucheland!

 

The Human Torch

HOT.

I don't know your name, generic good looking actor, but I'd hit it.

Manimal

you bet your fucking ass

And here's a list of Movie/TV Versions of Super Heroes I Would Totally Give A Fake Number To:

Spiderman

 

Two words: Tobey Maguire

or one word: spiders

or this word: gross

Bibleman

I bet the sex is just awful.

Captain Nice

You mean Captain Nice Cameltoe

Who are your super bangable super heroes?

Good Morning

Violence Against Women On TV Has Risen 120% Since 2004

In October the Parents Television Council released a new report titled "Women in Peril: A Look at TV's Disturbing New Storyline Trend"

Normally I would shy away from reading reports by an organization called the Parents Television Council because I'm always a little scared of any type of organization trying to curb 1st amendment rights - not that this org is trying to do that but I'm always brought back to images of people burning books or rap cds or condemning nudity on tv.

However, this report's findings are SHOCKING.

Some of the major findings in the report:

1. Incidents of violence against women and teenage girls are increasing on television at rates that far exceed the overall increases in violence on television. Violence, irrespective of gender, on television increased only 2% from 2004 to 2009, while incidents of violence against women increased 120% during that same period.

• The most frequent type of violence against women on television was beating (29%), followed by credible threats of violence (18%), shooting (11%), rape (8%), stabbing (6%), and torture (2%). Violence against women resulted in death 19% of the time.

• Violence towards women or the graphic consequences of violence tends overwhelmingly to be depicted (92%) rather than implied (5%) or described (3%).

2. Every network but ABC demonstrated a significant increase in the number of storylines that included violence against women between 2004 and 2009.

3. Although female victims were primarily of adult age, collectively, there was a 400% increase in the depiction of teen girls as victims across all networks from 2004 to 2009.

4. Fox stood out for using violence against women as a punch line in its comedies -- in particular Family Guy and American Dad -- trivializing the gravity of the issue of violence against women.

5. From 2004 to 2009 there was an 81% increase in incidences of intimate partner violence on television.

Yowza! Total sad face at this.

One would think that maybe Lifetime's repeats of Mother May I Sleep With Danger? could be the cause of this drastic increase but the study only looked at the major broadcasting networks (FOX, ABC, CBS, and NBC)! Imagine the results if they checked out HBO, USA, Showtime and FX?

It makes sad sense when you see headlines like "15 Year Old Girl Gang Raped As Crowd Looks On" and then read that depictions of violence against teenage girls has risen 400% since 2004.

400 PERCENT

It's true that our rates of violent crimes have been slowly dropping since 1997, but goddamn! We can't see positive portrayals of two consenting adults sexing each other up on CBS?

As a culture are we really that cool with showing women getting raped and tortured on CSI vs some hot nakedness?

I'm totally writing a letter to each channel's president to tell them that as a female viewer, I am disgusted at the amount of depictions of violence against women they choose to feature on their networks and that they can count out my viewership if these alarming trends continue.

Here's the networks addys if you want to write your own emails or letters (ironically 3 of the 4 network presidents are women!):

Mr. Jeff Zucker, President
NBC Entertainment
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112
(818) 840-4444

nbcshows@nbc.com
Website

Ms. Nina Tassler
President, CBS Entertainment
CBS Entertainment
7800 Beverly Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90039-2112
(323) 575-2747

www.cbs.com

Anne Sweeney, President
ABC Entertainment
500 S. Buena Vista St
Burbank, CA 91521-4551

(818) 560-1000 or

(212) 456-7777

www.abc.com

netaudr@abc.com

Ms. Gail Berman, President

Fox Broadcasting Co.
P.O. Box 900
Beverly Hills, CA 90213
(310) 369-1000

Fox's website
askfox@foxinc.com

Why Do Women Have Sex?

Uhhhh.....yeah. I couldn't resist clicking on a link on Yahoo News that read "Why Do Women Have Sex?"
I was expecting something hilarious and I was not let down. First off Yahoo News ran the story, copied from US News (a bastion of........), which ran the story of a study done in Texas (only in Texas folks...only in Texas), AT A UNIVERSITY mind you, which polled women about why they had sex.

And guess what the researchers said?
women aren't all that different from men.

Doh!
Damn that was probably a couple grand in research grants down the drain.

They found that the number one reason women had sex? They were attracted to their partner and are seeking sexual pleasure. WHAT?!?!??! Impossible!!!!

That's right guys, want more love from your lady? Do some fucking sit ups and give good head.

They also got some hilarious answers like:
Many women said they had sex to bring them closer to God.

That's definitely my reason for sex!
I'm always like "oh god! oh god!"

Read the entire news story here for more laughs at what's going on in Texas

Gummi Peens

Delicious!

Project Runway Bitches!

We're about four episodes into the new season of Project Runway! If you don't watch it, you should. I have some shit to talk right now so Spoiler Alerts ahead matey!

First off WTF is up with Crybaby Johnny Sakalis (aka Meth Dude)? Yeah I know he's a recovering addict and has some shit he needs to work out but the editing makes it look like he freaks out about everything! It's what? Season 6 now? Homeballs should know what he's in for by now don't you think? The challenges are hard buddy.

Oh and sorry to sound like Perez Hilton but having crazypants Lyndsey Lohan as your celebrity judge on the first episode? The first episode of your new season on a new channel no less? Uh?

Also check out cutie River Phoenix-look-alike Logan Neitzel! Too bad his designs are a little boring and he speaks like a robot. Dude needs to stop paying so much attention to his peen machine and more on his designs.

And thankfully Crystal is finally gone. Her designs looked like something you’d see at the Clearwater Senior Center cafeteria.

My friends and I always do a pool for Project Runway each season, we pick our top 3 after the 3rd episode and then an ultimate winner out of the top 3 and we all put in $5. Whoever picks the correct top 3/winner gets all the money.

My top 3 for this season are:
Althea
Gordana
Carol Hannah

my winner is Althea.

We'll see how it goes.....

David Bowie's Bulge

I recently rewatched Labyrinth and was struck by several things throughout the movie:

1) Jennifer Connelly is sooo young!
2) David Bowie should never have agreed to sing with puppets or make music in the 80s
3) This movie isn't as awesome as I thought it was when I was 10
4) David Bowie has a gynormous bulge! Check it out:



Thank God for 80s spandex!

Looks Like We're in the Right Place for Porn!

I just saw this article in the Phoenix New Times about porn being made in the valley of the scum. They don't mention PoolBoy (yet!!!) but it does look like we're in the right city for creating some sin.

Risqué Business: the Valley of the Sun May Be the Next Porn Capital of the World

by Niki D'Andrea

Worst of Playgirl

While we were doing research for PoolBoy we decided to check out Playgirl magazine to see what our "competition" was up to. Needless to say, it was more hilarious than sexy. Totally fake poses, nasty waxed peen, beefed up dudes with boners and nowhere to go.

Gross.

I was going to post some of the best pictures we found in the three back issues of Playgirl that we bought at Fascinations (including one gentleman squatting in only a cowboy hat, boots, AND a bandana with his rifle) but I found this awesome site instead:


Worst of Playgirl features an array of actual photos from vintage Playgirls set to some hilarious commentary ("PUSSY TICKLES just looking at this guy's bristly whiskers!")

So go on and get your fill of 70s staches and hairier-than-thou balls.

Un Beso Por Un Peso

Would you pay up?

yeah you would

Uh WTF?

I found this picture on the hotel computer (under the folder Photos) on my trip to Mexico.
Don't know what it is but it's fucking hilarious.

I submitted it to Picture Unrelated which is a great photo blog. The url in the right bottom corner of the pic is from this site, which appears to be Greek.

The joys of traveling!