Stoner Chicks

If you're not already aware, we are constantly decrying the lack of lady stoner flicks available. I love me some green ladies. And while stoner flicks make for big laughs in Hollywood, apparently only as long as everyone involved (I mean really involved, not just the love interest) has a dick. Don't tell me ladies are not as funny stoned. Everyone is funny stoned. That's like a scientific fact or some shit.

But there's sill hope! There's Best Buds coming out soon and I hope it's good. And then there's Smiley Face, a stoner comedy featuring Anna Faris as Jane:

Jane is a giggly, flirty goofball whose perpetual buzz is cranked up several notches when she scarfs a plateful of cannabis-spiked muffins baked by her roommate. Intending to bake a replacement batch, she orders a large amount of product from a dealer (a dreadlocked, droll Adam Brody) whom she can’t afford to pay; accidentally destroys her cellphone while cooking the muffins; then arrives late to an audition for a strait-laced casting agent who reports her drug use to the police; and so on.

And it's a pretty good movie! Faris is totally committed as Jane. She's spacey, cute, and believable. Plus, her character is badass. Jane gets into an argument with her dealer in which she schools him about Reaganomics and later impersonates a Union organizer at a meat packing plant and fantasizes about going off on a Marxist rant about labor oppression. Of course she can't really go off on such a monologue, not because she's just a girl and doesn't know about Marxist theory, but because she's really freaking stoned and everything comes out sounding ridiculous.



Yet, while there are some big laughs in Smiley Face, I felt like something was missing. SEX. Jane gets dumped by her boyfriend for being too much of a stoner at the beginning of the movie, and even though dudes are into her throughout the film, she's too out of it to recognize their signals or even care. At one point, a cute delivery truck driver helps her out with a ride and Jane starts getting sultry and asking him if being high makes him horny. I was excited for some hot stone and bone action at this point, but turns out Jane wasn't really saying that, the dude was just imagining it. Boner killer! Faris is really convincing as a clueless stoner, but I don't know a lady stoner out there who knows of the glory of the stone and bone and doesn't at least think about it when stizoned. Plus, there's major boobage in all the dude stoner movies, I just want a little equality. I'll settle for a little peen flash ala Jason Segal or even implied cunnilingus. Just throw us ladies a boner now and again!