Like a virgin, touched for the very first time

A new device being marketed in Egypt claims to stimulate the bleeding a virgin bride should experience on her wedding night. Cause nothing says love and hotness like a little vag blood, am I right?

According to NPR, "The online ad from Gigimo promises women "no more worry," because they can restore their virginity for just $29.95. The ad says the "artificial virginity hymen" fits in the vagina and, upon penetration, oozes a bloodlike liquid."

Ahh yeah, oozing a bloodlike liquid, that's getting me hot just thinking about it. Luckily, the device has sparked an outrage in Egypt. Unfortunately, it's because such a device would supposedly let women tramp it up and then still appear virgins to their poor unsuspecting husbands. Husbands like this young Egyptian man:

"Ahmed Rifaat, 19, says no matter how much he loved a girl, he would drop her instantly if he found out that she wasn't a virgin.

When asked if it should be the same for the male, he says, "No, it's not a big deal if the guy's not a virgin. I'm not speaking about Islam — I'm just saying it's normal. But she has to be a virgin, because she's a girl. She's a girl! That's just the way it is."

She's a girl!!! A girl! That's why!!! Don't you get it?! SHE'S A GIRL! If I keep repeating that will it make sense? Probably not, huh, because it's a ridiculous double standard that still prevails in many parts of the world. On the female side of the spectrum we have responses like this:

"Sitting next to Ahmed is his cousin Aya, who laughs at Ahmed's logic but seems resigned to the prevailing view that forgiveness for premarital sex is a one-way street.

"For me, men and women are the same," she says. "The only reason he said it's normal is because he's a guy. But I would never marry a guy who wasn't a virgin. Well, maybe if we were really in love and it was just once and he was honest about it, maybe I could forgive it."

Hmm. I wouldn't go that route myself. As many accomplished ladies who have lain virgin boys know, it's usually not pretty. However, it's sad that while some women in these places believe that men and women should be equal they are still resigned to the double standards that prevail.

Yet, the story ends on an uplifting note. Some women, like Amy Mowafi, are opposed to the device because it simply provides a loop hole out of the hypocrisy of the hymen debate.

"The problem with a device like this," she says, "is it makes it too easy for the woman to play by the rules of society instead of standing up and saying, 'No, you need to understand that I am a good person. And it should not all come down to this issue of a hymen.' "

Hymens ain't nothing but a he thang.