New Year's Resolutions

Everyone's writing about their New Year's Resolutions.

Graphic designer Monina Velarde has created a New Year's Resolution Generator which is cool because it let's you click through a ton of resolutions and then promptly forget about them, much like in real life, but with the speed of the internet. Fuck writing that shit down.

For me, more than any resolution, New Year's Eve is like a Get Out of Jail Monopoly card.  It's a free pass to start over, no excuses.  It's a time marker, that's for sure, but a positive one.  If you're planning on losing weight this year (ladies of leisure don't need to unless it's medically advised), NYE is like a kick in the butt.  If you want to quit smoking (which you should, that shit is o'nast), you'll probably end up getting drunk tonight and smoking a shitload of cigarettes AND THEN QUITTING on the 1st.

Right?

One NYE, not so long ago, my resolution was to not get black-out drunk anymore (i was involved with some bad dick at the time and drinking the pain away, it happens).  Well i don't remember much of that new year's eve other than waking up the next day in my bathroom in only my coat and a puddle of vomit, but I haven't blacked out since.  Goddamn I'm better than that and all it took was a new year's eve to get me out of my slump.  Use and abuse it ladies, NYE is a time for redemption/rebirth/start overs.

Hamilton Wright Mabie sums it up best in this quote:
“New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no woman has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights”

So whether you're sitting on your couch or going out to get your party on tonight, have a safe and happy new year's eve and keep up the keeping up!

And never let the Horse of Judgement judge you from the 3rd floor:

P.S. PoolBoy Magazine's 2010 Resolutions are to put out our first issue (almost done!) and continue to be badass.

DIY in 2010

As we head into 2010 the economy is still lagging and times still hard for today's working lady. We need to get creative about finding jobs and other ways to survive and thrive. Think outside the box and all that crap. But if Meghann Rosales of Jug Wine comix can't find a job with this vesume than we're all screwed.



Check out the first issue of PoolBoy Magazine, coming spring 2010, to see more Jug Wine comix.

Happy Jonas Holidays

Happy Holidays! Be safe, just like the abstinence loving Jonas brothers:

Married Jonas Brother Says Sex Not Worth the Wait
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - Just days after tying the knot after years of abstinence, Kevin Jonas of the pop sensation the Jonas Brothers stunned his teenaged fans by announcing that "to be honest about it, sex was not worth the wait."

"After we did it, I was kind of like, that's it?" Mr. Jonas told reporters at a New York press conference.

As to whether Mr. Jonas' bride agreed with his "that's it?" assessment, Mr. Jonas remarked, "That's what she said."

Merry XXXMas from PoolBoy Magazine

Hope all you naughty pool girls get lots of presents!

 

 

this what came up when i googled "naughty santa"

sorry

The Devil in Massive Attack

The new Massive Attack video for "Paradise Circus" is right up our alley. And it's not just because the video features clips of Georgina Spelvin talking about her career as a porn star interspersed with actual clips of her in films like "The Devil in Miss Jones." Ok, it's mostly for that reason (long live 70's porn body hair!) but the music is pretty nice as well. A commenter on stereogum said it the best, "Like all of Massive Attack's best work, it makes me want to smoke lots of pot."

The video is totes NSFW, as stereogum reminds you again and again.



Spelvin talking about her attempt at prostitution and that magical moment of orgasm.

Spelvin in her porn days.

Two questions: what's with the snake and why is everyone so sweaty?

Friday Night Hottie

It's been chilly in Phoenix. I'm not going to say "cold" because it doesn't really get "cold" here as the rest of the country would define the word. Still, on these chilly December nights, all I want to do is drink some wine by the fire and maybe watch something with a hot dude in it, something like Friday Night Lights. I've only seen the first 4 episodes of the third season of this TV drama about the politics of high school football in a small Texas town, but I've seen enough to know that the hottie quota has more than been filled by Taylor Kitsch, who plays party boy Tim Riggins.

Kitsch might not play a very good Gambit (dude is from Louisiana = he should have a hot accent), and I did worry that it may just be my propensity for losers (sorry, Tim Riggins is sort of a douche), but shirt or no shirt (and thankfully he does seem to lose his shirt a lot in the show) Taylor Kitsch is nice to look at on a cold winter's night.

Oh, you don't believe me? How do you like these apples, hmm?




I would def put a little Taylor Kitsch in my body.

Your Daily Hunk

This site is totally for gay men but I like to think that a site devoted to guys in their undies is really for everyone

just put it on mute and watch:



this one is fun (no need for mute!):

Tall Skinny Boy Salute

For Bontie.





(I'm pretty sure this is not really r-patz but it's a good photoshop job so what the heck)



I don't know why you tall skinny bastards exist, but I'm sure glad that you do.

The Spirits will be here

All this talk about New Moon (or Twilight 2 as our local theater called it) on this blog! But our collective culture can't help but want to sex up, hate, make fun of and then sex up again this tween drama and its hot male co-stars.

Here's a really funny video by Creek/Seminole director Sterlin Harjo of a spoof of the auditions for the New Moon 'Wolfpack'

tradish:

New Moon Wolf Pack Auditions from sterlinharjo on Vimeo.


Native dudes = hot to the max

Good Dick

I watched Good Dick this weekend and have been thinking about it ever since. It's the story of a nameless introverted woman (played by Marianna Palka who also wrote and directed the film) who spends her time watching soft core erotic movies and the homeless video store clerk (John Ritter) who is for some reason drawn to her.

The trailer makes it seem like the movie is a light hearted love story about lonely people. The lonely part is definitely right but I would not call it "light" in any sense of the word. Sure there are funny parts, but mostly it's the story of a really strange relationship where the man forces his way into the woman's claustrophobic life in order to force her to deal with whatever weird sexual experience she had in the past that made her so closed off.



The video store clerk, who is sleeping in his car, gets her address from her customer information and tries to set up a random run in with the woman only to scare her off. To be even more creepy he actually rings her doorbell and makes up a story about his great aunt who lives in the building dying. I don't blame the woman for holding a butcher knife when she finally relents and lets her in.

Their romantic relationship is built of cleaning, hair washing, and watching porn films together. The woman insults the man, yells at him, and is almost physically violent with him when he persists that they are in a relationship. The gender roles are reversed, she wants to be in control at all times and the dude is more than happy to cook dinner and clean the house without even the promise of sex. Sometimes when the woman would belittle the video store clerk while he almost begged for her to leave the house and meet his friends, I was reminded of shitty relationships I'd had in the past. By "in the past" I mean in like middle school and high school. But that's pretty much the level of romantic emotions that we're dealing with in these characters.

Yet somehow, in the end, Good Dick is actually a romantic comedy. I don't know how it happened with so much dysfunction flying around but despite all the porn, penis measuring, platonic sharing of beds, and faux humping, the movie actually works. So, props to Marianna Palka for creating something interesting and unnerving and hard to forget. See it, cause y'all like dick, right?

hawt sex

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving

Hope it's a good one!

The Most Expensive Meal You Will Ever Eat

Hot Athletes

There has been an ongoing conversation between the pool girls about what sport produces the hottest athlete bodies. Here and now we shall put this debate to rest.

Obvs some sports were thrown out from the beginning:

golf - no one looks hot in those pants.
bowling - is that even a sport?
skiing - you can't see their bodies, though I'm sure they have awesome legs.
weight lifting - dudes get way too meaty.

Other sports we considered but threw out for different reasons:

tennis - yes that young dude that dated Mandy Moore was pretty hot and tennis works the whole body but other sports just produced more hotties. Sorry Sampras fans.
football - hells yes these dudes are hot and there is much nice ass to be checked out during NFL games. Yet, aside from the occasional kicker, football players are a bit too beefcake for my taste. Though I will keep looking at those butts.
rugby - These dudes usually get too buff as well. They get points for the majority of the hot ones being Aussies though. Everyone wants to bang a dude with an accent, am I right? Also:


Here we come to the finalists.

Soccer - These dudes have finesse with the ball, are able to change speeds quickly, and can be pretty rough. Makes you wonder what they'd be like in bed. Plus, soccer uses the whole body so the athletes get ripped everywhere without being overly beefcake. Some examples:


Thanks, Posh.

Who is this guy? I don't know but he's hot.

And finally, I give you, the Italian soccer team:

Mama mia!

Hold on though, there are still some serious challengers.

Like, Basketball - These dudes are tttaallll as hell and have amazing arms and nice legs from all that sprinting. You still see the ocassaional hefty dude for ladies who love some softness. Really it's the height and insane arms that do it for me.


KG getting it done for Boston.

Tony Parker loses points for playing for the Spurs and being French but he's still pretty cute. Nice butt too.

Overall Basketball is out of the finals for not making NBA players wear these shorts anymore.

A little old school Stockton for the lady of leisure.

But wait! Now that basketball has been thrown out we have another serious contender...

Swimming - Have you ever swam competitively? Holy hell is it a workout. Your whole body is pushed. You get crazy long muscular legs and your arms get all firm and well jeez, do I even have to talk about swimmer's abs? Insane. Swimmers can hold their breaths forever (hello staying downtown until the lady gets hers!), don't mind getting wet (bowchingawowow), and spend most of their time in little speedos. Also they're usually pretty tall (heart tall boys!). Here's some swimmer eye candy:

Did you think I would start this with anyone other than pot smoking hottie Michael Phelps? I've heard he's a slut (who wouldn't be with that body?) and not the best in bed (sad face) but I'd still hit it and I bet you would too. Do you think he's pushing that lady hand away or about to push it down near those awful pelvic tattoos? He's all, "no, the gold medal is further south..."


Remember Aussie Ian Thorpe? He may play for the other team but dude is still pretty hot.

And...one more Michael Phelps just for good measure...

God Bless America.


So what say you? Are we missing any obvious sports? Cycling perhaps? We probably should have included runners but sometimes those dudes get too skinny and the last thing I want to think about during bone time is how my man friend's legs look thinner than mine.

Soccer players vs swimmers, what will be the ultimate hot body sport? I can't quite decide myself. This might have to end in a tie...

Good Morning

That's A DealBreaker Ladies

Love this blog called Dealbreaker by funnies Marisa and Dave.  They have long list of reasons why they won't date you, including:

- You're Lady GaGa
- You don't like watching Degrassi
- You have swine flu
- You're an American Apparel Model
- You're Jeff Goldblum (“God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates Man. Man destroys God. Man creates Dinosaurs”)
- You have the same name as my dad
- You hate unicorns
- You won't kiss me after oral
- You don't "get" Radiohead
- You're not Mark Ruffalo

and many, many more (You're too hot, You say "vagine")

Some of my dealbreakers:
- you are homeless
- you are grossed out by body hair on women
- you are a republican
- you hit on me using Myspace
- you don't like to swim
- you are Mormon
- you lied about graduating from high school
- you constantly talk about how awesome California is
- you are Glen Beck/Bill O'Reily/Fox News/Ann Coulter/Newt Gingrich/an asshole

what are some of your dealbreakers?

New Moon Opens Today!

Are you going?

What the what?!

Apparently for some people crazy Sarah Palin just isn't crazy enough. According to Mother Jones, "For the Denver-based American Right to Life, when it comes to abortion, Palin is as impure as any godless feminist." Palin and feminist in the same sentence, for shame!

The ARTL contests that Palin has bedded down with the heathen feminists as exampled by her description of "the morning after pill as contraception rather than an abortifacient," and by "Palin’s statement to the Anchorage Daily News that she opposes the "use of public funds for elective abortions." This means, according to ARTL, that Palin supports taxpayer funding for non-elective abortions." "

So wait...they're saying we should call Palin anti-choice because of that stuff instead of her stats on reproductive rights? These stats are hard to overlook: Palin's "hometown required women to pay for their own rape examinations while she was mayor, a practice her police chief fought to keep as late as 2000" or "Alaska has the worst record of any state in rape. The rape rate in Alaska is 2.5 times the national average." Kinda makes you wonder what Palin's doing for women if she's not protecting them from violence. Oh yeah, she's probably fighting for the rights of their possible unborn fetuses instead. Unless the you might die during child birth. Then abortion is okay. But not if you're raped. Then the kid is still tops. So you better hope you have a chance of dying if you want to toss that bun.

ARL also doesn't like Palin for teaming up with that ole' knight of women's health, John McCain, "whom the National Right to Life Committee dubbed a "significant threat to future advances by the pro-life movement" back in 2000. (It endorsed him in 2008.)" But McCain went and got crazy enough to satisfy the National Right to Life! Is he still not enough of a cowboy for ARL's high standards? Damn, thems some harsh parents.

Beware the ARTL though, in their fanatical self-grandising they believe they have some clout. Did you know it was not Mormonism nor tying the family dog to the top of the car on vacation (see Romeny's Cruel Canine Vacation),that did Mitt Romney in last year, as well all thought? No no, it was actually the ARTL making some crazy commercials that aired in South Carolina and Iowa outing Romney as a fake anti-choicer. Of course, the ARTL spokesman points out that while they "can't say don't vote for Mitt Romney, but you can say Romney is the son of the devil and if you vote for him you'll go to hell." Nothin' like scarin' some hicks into believing you! (heart you iowa)

What's more frightening than how radical these people have to be to consider Sarah Palin pro-choice, is that people like that actually exist. I have to admit though, I'm sort of glad there are some people from the dark side protesting crazy pants Palin. Maybe if both sides hate her she'll go rouge back in Alaska and fade from the national consciousness.

Face it

Ever gone through Bust Magazine's Girl Wide Web links page on their website?

Bust is one of my pop culture bibles. It is seriously one of the coolest magazines ever made and their website is rad and filled with cool shit.  Their Girl Wide Web is a page of user submitted links with a sex section titled Sex-E, and a subsection on Erotica & Porn (I wish these two weren't lumped together but whatevs). I love trolling through these links.

Yes, there are a lot of bad personal blogs and a shitload of weird/shitty/hot/good/awful erotic fiction sites, but you also come across some gems. Like this one I found today titled Artistic Nude Male Photography which links to a url called www.primeviews.com.

The user submitted link description reads:
Amateur site featuring a collection of black and white self portrait nude photos. The site is aimed at a female audience and shows the nude male form in an erotic but tasteful and artistic manner.

Hey ladies.
Are you wet yet?

You know by the following bombs i just dropped on you that this site is going to be hilarious:

1. the title of the listing is Artistic Nude Male Photography

2. the url name sounds like a Miami real estate company (only a dude would register a domain name called primeviews.com. I wonder how many retired couples looking to buy a condo accidentally go to his site on a daily basis)

3.the use of the following words in the link description: nude, male, form, erotic, but tasteful, artistic

Hey Girl

I know we just did a Ryan Gosling post (See Dead Man's Bones) but this blog is hilarious:

The Fuck Yeah! Ryan Gosling Blog

Hey girl

Happy Friday

Violence Against Women On TV Has Risen 120% Since 2004

In October the Parents Television Council released a new report titled "Women in Peril: A Look at TV's Disturbing New Storyline Trend"

Normally I would shy away from reading reports by an organization called the Parents Television Council because I'm always a little scared of any type of organization trying to curb 1st amendment rights - not that this org is trying to do that but I'm always brought back to images of people burning books or rap cds or condemning nudity on tv.

However, this report's findings are SHOCKING.

Some of the major findings in the report:

1. Incidents of violence against women and teenage girls are increasing on television at rates that far exceed the overall increases in violence on television. Violence, irrespective of gender, on television increased only 2% from 2004 to 2009, while incidents of violence against women increased 120% during that same period.

• The most frequent type of violence against women on television was beating (29%), followed by credible threats of violence (18%), shooting (11%), rape (8%), stabbing (6%), and torture (2%). Violence against women resulted in death 19% of the time.

• Violence towards women or the graphic consequences of violence tends overwhelmingly to be depicted (92%) rather than implied (5%) or described (3%).

2. Every network but ABC demonstrated a significant increase in the number of storylines that included violence against women between 2004 and 2009.

3. Although female victims were primarily of adult age, collectively, there was a 400% increase in the depiction of teen girls as victims across all networks from 2004 to 2009.

4. Fox stood out for using violence against women as a punch line in its comedies -- in particular Family Guy and American Dad -- trivializing the gravity of the issue of violence against women.

5. From 2004 to 2009 there was an 81% increase in incidences of intimate partner violence on television.

Yowza! Total sad face at this.

One would think that maybe Lifetime's repeats of Mother May I Sleep With Danger? could be the cause of this drastic increase but the study only looked at the major broadcasting networks (FOX, ABC, CBS, and NBC)! Imagine the results if they checked out HBO, USA, Showtime and FX?

It makes sad sense when you see headlines like "15 Year Old Girl Gang Raped As Crowd Looks On" and then read that depictions of violence against teenage girls has risen 400% since 2004.

400 PERCENT

It's true that our rates of violent crimes have been slowly dropping since 1997, but goddamn! We can't see positive portrayals of two consenting adults sexing each other up on CBS?

As a culture are we really that cool with showing women getting raped and tortured on CSI vs some hot nakedness?

I'm totally writing a letter to each channel's president to tell them that as a female viewer, I am disgusted at the amount of depictions of violence against women they choose to feature on their networks and that they can count out my viewership if these alarming trends continue.

Here's the networks addys if you want to write your own emails or letters (ironically 3 of the 4 network presidents are women!):

Mr. Jeff Zucker, President
NBC Entertainment
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112
(818) 840-4444

nbcshows@nbc.com
Website

Ms. Nina Tassler
President, CBS Entertainment
CBS Entertainment
7800 Beverly Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90039-2112
(323) 575-2747

www.cbs.com

Anne Sweeney, President
ABC Entertainment
500 S. Buena Vista St
Burbank, CA 91521-4551

(818) 560-1000 or

(212) 456-7777

www.abc.com

netaudr@abc.com

Ms. Gail Berman, President

Fox Broadcasting Co.
P.O. Box 900
Beverly Hills, CA 90213
(310) 369-1000

Fox's website
askfox@foxinc.com

Spring Breakdown

Did you know that Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch, and Parker Posey starred in a comedy called Spring Breakdown in 2009? It's possible you've never heard of it since it went straight to DVD and there wasn't very much (read: any) promotion. I read about it in BUST and Bitch magazines, bastions of all things awesome, and was psyched to see it.



A spring break movie in the vein of Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise, Spring Breakdown stars an almost exclusively female cast and features cameos from all your favorite female comic actors (Tina Fey is the only big exception I can think of). These are some of the ladies who appear:

Mae Whitman (Bland Ann Veal from Arrested Development)
Jane Lynch (made you pee your pants in several Christopher Guest films)
Sarah Hagan (Millie from Freaks and Geeks!)
Amber Tamblyn (Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants...)
Missi Pyle (Fran Stalinovskovichdavidovitchsky in Dodgeball. Been in a lot of other things. Totally hilarious here.)

Throw a little Will Arnett (Arrested Development, Poehler's husband IRL) and Seth Myers (SNL) in there and we're talking comic gold! Dratch co-wrote the story about three best friends who are, basically, big losers. Assigned a special mission to keep a (female) politician's crazy daughter out of trouble during spring break, they head down to South Padre Island for another chance at being cool. There's Wilson Philips tunes, electric slide dancing, women's studies jokes, balls references, and hot dudes hooking up with way less attractive ladies (just like the opposite of all those TV shows!).

I thought there was no way a straight to DVD movie could be as good as the few reviews I had read of Spring Breakdown, but I was so wrong, so so wrong. It's a shame that seeing a movie with an all female cast is such an exciting prospect when movies featuring no female characters (except possibly a one dimensional love interest) hit the big screen all the time. The real shame though, is that Spring Breakdown wasn't given the chance to run in theaters, most likely because people in the movie business still think there's no money to be made in movies with female leads that aren't romantic comedies. I would have paid to see Spring Breakdown in a theater. I've certainly paid to see movies that were ten times less funny....

.....like Fired Up! But wait! I only saw it cuz this dude is hot:

Cute Boys Make Me Nervous

Cute Boys Make Me Nervous

This blog is awesome! Ladies send in pics they've taken of cute boys and the author critiques the subject's hotness in hilarious ways.

There are some cute boys on this site that would definitely make me nervous!

(i would totally make this dude act out a certain sexual fantasy I have involving Vanilla Ice)