Apparently "Vajazzling" your lady bits is the new fad for folks with too much time on their hands.
Apparently, they wax the shit outta you and then Swarovski crystals (or your own jewels) are placed in an artful design of your choice. The jewels stay on for about 5 days. I assume they begin to flake off after that, and am trying to think of a good way to explain to your boy toy why you have 4 or 5 random jewels just hanging out on your junk. "I'm a jewel thief, and the cops never check there!" just doesn't seem hot enough.
With businesses "going green", do you think they'll ever offer the option of planting grass seeds instead?
It was with excitement and a little disappointment that I learned from Jezebel about Best Buds, a girl stoner movie in the works staring Natalie Portman. I say I felt a little disappointment only because the lovely lady of leisure and I had been working on something similar (and I don't mean just being best buds and smoking a lot of weed, though we do that as well). Best Buds is apparently a stoner lady movie with "a road trip and a wedding at its center, with female friends hitting the road to cure a bride friend's woes with weed."
It's so nice to see movies with female comedians as the stars and also to see the myth about ladies not liking green dispelled in a big public way. Best Buds screenwriter Jamie Denbo feels the same way, and she realized it watching Knocked Up:
The galvanizing moment for Denbo was the scene in Knocked Up when Katherine Heigl's character makes Seth Rogen's give up his bong. "It just seemed like a metaphor of, 'Put down the bong and we can get married.' That's not how it goes in my house. It's more like, 'Hey, you're pregnant, maybe stop smoking weed for fucking five minutes," jokes Denbo, who is the mother of two. "That was never the women that I knew."
Lady speaks the truth! Denbo also knows what's up concerning dick jokes:
...dick jokes may have reached their peak. "They've gotten to a point with dick jokes that now they have to show a dick for it to be funny," says Denbo, pointing to Jason Segal in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I dream of the day when almost every big actor has shown his dick in a movie, like most women now with their breasts. If it's gotten to the point where ya gotta show some peen now to get laughs from a dick joke then we are well on our way.
Back to Best Buds, I'm glad someone has finally made a stoner chick movie. Fingers crossed that it lives up to such classics as How High and Harold and Kumar, just with dicks instead of all the boobs.
If you've been reading the PoolBoy blog at all you are probably aware that I'll use any excuse to post pics of R-Patz. NPR recently offered me another opportunity when they wrote this Bloody Book List. And it's not just a vampire reading list (though there is a pretty good one at the end), but an article about how one can know what's happening at a certain point in history by checking out the vampire lit of the time. Don't believe me?
Take Bram Stoker's Dracula.
"It was written at the end of the 19th century, at a time when England had some of the largest ports in the world," says Benita Blessing, who teaches modern European history at Ohio University. "Here you have a ship arriving from Eastern Europe, bearing soil from another country, and a plague-like person who is going to bring death and destruction. The concerns at that time were foreign illnesses, unwanted immigrants. What Dracula is about is the fear of what we might today call globalization."
That's just the first example. The article discusses Anne Rice's vamp novels, Whitley Strieber's The Hunger, and the current wave of blood sucking books like Mormon Meyer's Twilight series and Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse novels
So what does the recent infatuation with deadly immortals tell us about the national subconscious today? Well, in both Twilight and the Sookie Stackhouse series the main vampire characters try to deny their animal instincts and be more moral, in an attempt to be more human. Vampires, even Sookie's Bill Compton, are predators, but then again, so are humans. Dracula wasn't concerned about mainstreaming or following a set of moral rules. So why does Edward Cullen care about weather he drinks the blood of an animal or a human?
Apparently it's because humans are killing the Earth and we feel really bad about it. According to Whitley Strieber:
"Our prey is our planet," he says. Today's fear is not the Cold War or AIDS, it's the fate of the Earth: "We sense that there is something wrong with the environment, that the planet itself may not be able to sustain us very long, and so we are beginning to romance death once again."
I buy it. It seems that vampires, who usually represent fear of death, appear in literature to reflect what the major fear of the time is, from immigration, to disease, to the uncertainty at the end of the Cold War, to pollution. If you are into vampires or how literature reflects culture and what's happening in the world, this article is a must read.
I'll leave you with a little Eric from True Blood to get you through the day.
i was about 11 and eager to learn about all of this fascinating grown up stuff, and since i had no friends and this was before the internet was commonplace, i had to consult my mother's book shelves. i found what i believe was a second wave feminist type book about women's health/the female body/sexuality/etc. there was, of course, a chapter in this book about how pornography is inherently oppressive and misogynist in nature. this chapter was illustrated with a drawing of a woman in a nurse's uniform giving a man a blowjob.
i looked at it in awe, thinking that this is an incredibly daring, radical feminist statement - she is eating his penis because she is mad at the patriarchy.
Hey ladies, we all know that we make our own lube on a daily basis but sometimes you need/want more than what your body is producing. That's where making your own DIY lube comes in. Many commercial lubes use crazy, non-FDA regulated or approved, chemicals, not unlike some of the chemicals used in anti-freeze and brake fluid. Stay away from commercial lubes that contain Propylene glycol, parabens, and synthetic fragrances!
I'll be the first to admit that I often refer to my beautiful cunt as a well-oiled machine, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be putting anti-freeze or brake fluid all up in there.
Many fabulous, female-owned and oriented sex product stores like Toys in Babeland are now starting to offer new eco-friendly personal lubricants like Babeland Naturals Organic Lube and Good Clean Love.
But for the DIY-on-the-go gal such as myself, it's more fun and economical to make your own lube.
Here's what you need to do to be slipping and sliding in no time:
Ingredients 1 pot for boiling 2 cups of water 2.5 Tbsp of flax seeds (you can get this at most grocery stores or health foods stores) 20 minutes of your lovely time a stove or hot plate for boiling
DIY-it 1 - Pour the 2 cups of water into the pot and bring to a boil on your stovetop 2 - Add the 2.5 tbsp of flax seeds to the boiling water and simmer the seeds for about 20 minutes or until the water is reduced by half 3 - Strain out the solid flax seeds immediately after 20 minutes 4 - Let your lube cool so it's safe to use and enjoy!
You can store the lube in a reusable container in your fridge for up to 2 weeks. Un-refridgerated lube should only be used for up to two days after making it.
Don't forget to give your lube a special, sexy name and if you're feeling extra crafty and foxy, a sexy label! I call mine "Doris Miller's Sexy Anti-Freeze for the Well-Oiled Machine"
For those more visual learners, Grist.org's eco-diva Umbra Fisk has a new video that shows you how it's done:
At first I thought these new Durex ads were pretty sweet. They're so simple and sometimes when having sex it can feel like one's whole body is just a sea of single thoughts. But some of the thoughts on these ads are a little creepy. I get the "tasty" in her throat and "satisfied" and "contented" running up her legs and even the "fruit" that her loins are thinking (and "tousled" in her hair is great), but what's with her boobs thinking "boobs" over and over? My boobs are usually thinking "touch me!" when I find myself in this position.
And what's with the dude's body mostly thinking "fatal error" while his man parts suddenly become "intelligence" and "wisdom"? I haven't met a lot of dudes whose dicks struck me as suddenly wise and intelligent when they found said cock in my mouth.
Want to see what ladies are thinking when we're actually getting some deep dicking? The Sexist breaks down how female orgasms happen in mythological afterlives while Jezebel takes us through where "confused" comes in while ladies ride on top (see below).
"The most annoying thing about these ads is that they have the potential to be really good - if they made a little more sense. The female body is shown as a complex textbook of emotions, while men are reduced to one single thought (or less). Naturally, Krahne wants to play up the sexy part of sex, but wouldn't it be funnier if the oral sex-woman was thinking about "suction," "teeth," "knee pain" or if we wanted to be really honest, "this condom tastes like a Fruit Roll-Up that has been sprayed with Lysol." Also, we appreciate that it takes a certain about of strain to maintain that position for men, but it's not exactly a cakewalk for us either. Finally, maybe instead of "confusion," a woman on the brink of an orgasm could be shown thinking "hells yes!" or at the very least "don't stop." " (Jezebel)
Seriously, so sexy. And I know that ya'll love hairy pits on babes too, because when I posted about Mo'Nique's sexy ass hairy legs we got crazy hits. You'd be surprised how many people search "hairy women" or "hairy armpits women."
So check out the hairy pits club, cuz that shit is hot hot hot.
Remember a few years back when you spent a shitload (or had your insurance spend a shitload) on the HPV vaccine, otherwise known as Gardasil? Now your boyfriend can get vaccinated too! That's right kiddies, Gardasil is now approved for boys and men between the ages of 9 and 26 (after that you probably already have HPV, sorry). Here are some deets:
"Just Out!!! Gardasil, the vaccine that protects girls and women from genital warts and cervical cancer has been approved for boys and men. Genital warts, cervical cancer, and some cancers of the penis, scrotum, anus, and throat are caused by certain types of human papilloma virus (HPV). While the vaccine may not protect boys and men against all HPV types that can cause these cancers, it does protect them against the two HPV types (types 6 and 11) that cause 90 percent of genital warts in the U.S."
Tell your boyfriend to get his shots now or his penis will fall off. Also, parents watch out, this will probably make your son into a super slut.
Tune in 10:30 PM EST on Tuesday, February 16th to the always delightfully informative OboeCrazy's "This Week in Geek", and the ladies talk about what's new in the Pool House.
Call in to talk directly to the Pool Boy Ladies!
If you're worried about missing the show, you can listen to old shows on the site!
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