Cake Wrecks

I was so sad to hear that I wouldn't be in town when one of my favorite blogs visited my local indie bookstore for a signing. To help me get over this loss I've decided to post some of my favorite entries. The blog is Cake Wrecks and they've got a new book out which literally had my tearing up I was laughing so hard. The premise is simple: funny or weird cakes. Intrigued? I thought so.

Classic break up cake. You almost gotta respect someone who dumps you like this. At least they left you something to eat while crying.

I hope the cake giver wasn't also the herpes giver.

Now, you may be thinking, these cakes don't have anything to do with sex or naked dudes. And those above don't. But there are some PoolBoy related cakes. Oh yes, there surely are.

Semi-nude dude on a bearskin rug? That's pretty fucking PoolBoy.

And finally, the icing on the PoolBoy cake (har har)....

What's that apostrophe about?

Also, I want one of these at the launch party.

Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang

A couple weeks ago I was lucky enough to attend the Chelsea Handler show at the Dodge Theater in PHX (for free nonetheless!). I've been a fan of Ms. Handler since seeing her TV show Chelsea Lately. The lady is quick. She always gets the last word and usually that word is pretty hilarious. She's got a new book out, Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang (and yes, I just linked to GoodReads, fuck that huge online bookseller that pushes indie bookstores out of business), from which much of the material at her live show was based.



A girl after my own heart, Ms. Handler went on a huge spiel about how gross balls are ("I can understand wanting to get fucked but who goes out thinking, 'I can't wait to get my mouth around some balls!'?") and then reenacted discovering "the feeling" at her first sleepover at age 8. How can you not love a woman who learns to masturbate at 8 but thinks she's the only one that knows about this magical power and so has the inside balls to do it at the dinner table?

If you get a chance to see Ms. Handler on the road I highly recommend it. Otherwise just read the book, or her collection of one night stands, My Horizontal Life.

Spring Breakdown

Did you know that Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch, and Parker Posey starred in a comedy called Spring Breakdown in 2009? It's possible you've never heard of it since it went straight to DVD and there wasn't very much (read: any) promotion. I read about it in BUST and Bitch magazines, bastions of all things awesome, and was psyched to see it.



A spring break movie in the vein of Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise, Spring Breakdown stars an almost exclusively female cast and features cameos from all your favorite female comic actors (Tina Fey is the only big exception I can think of). These are some of the ladies who appear:

Mae Whitman (Bland Ann Veal from Arrested Development)
Jane Lynch (made you pee your pants in several Christopher Guest films)
Sarah Hagan (Millie from Freaks and Geeks!)
Amber Tamblyn (Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants...)
Missi Pyle (Fran Stalinovskovichdavidovitchsky in Dodgeball. Been in a lot of other things. Totally hilarious here.)

Throw a little Will Arnett (Arrested Development, Poehler's husband IRL) and Seth Myers (SNL) in there and we're talking comic gold! Dratch co-wrote the story about three best friends who are, basically, big losers. Assigned a special mission to keep a (female) politician's crazy daughter out of trouble during spring break, they head down to South Padre Island for another chance at being cool. There's Wilson Philips tunes, electric slide dancing, women's studies jokes, balls references, and hot dudes hooking up with way less attractive ladies (just like the opposite of all those TV shows!).

I thought there was no way a straight to DVD movie could be as good as the few reviews I had read of Spring Breakdown, but I was so wrong, so so wrong. It's a shame that seeing a movie with an all female cast is such an exciting prospect when movies featuring no female characters (except possibly a one dimensional love interest) hit the big screen all the time. The real shame though, is that Spring Breakdown wasn't given the chance to run in theaters, most likely because people in the movie business still think there's no money to be made in movies with female leads that aren't romantic comedies. I would have paid to see Spring Breakdown in a theater. I've certainly paid to see movies that were ten times less funny....

.....like Fired Up! But wait! I only saw it cuz this dude is hot:

Why Do Women Have Sex?

Uhhhh.....yeah. I couldn't resist clicking on a link on Yahoo News that read "Why Do Women Have Sex?"
I was expecting something hilarious and I was not let down. First off Yahoo News ran the story, copied from US News (a bastion of........), which ran the story of a study done in Texas (only in Texas folks...only in Texas), AT A UNIVERSITY mind you, which polled women about why they had sex.

And guess what the researchers said?
women aren't all that different from men.

Doh!
Damn that was probably a couple grand in research grants down the drain.

They found that the number one reason women had sex? They were attracted to their partner and are seeking sexual pleasure. WHAT?!?!??! Impossible!!!!

That's right guys, want more love from your lady? Do some fucking sit ups and give good head.

They also got some hilarious answers like:
Many women said they had sex to bring them closer to God.

That's definitely my reason for sex!
I'm always like "oh god! oh god!"

Read the entire news story here for more laughs at what's going on in Texas

Male Models

A friend alerted me to this Dublin based fashion blog, male-mode, that features lots of hot male models. Beware though, with this eye candy comes some truly hilarious fashion. This blog had me lusting and laughing for hours. Example:

Hotness...


vs.

Hilarious...


Maybe I'm just not that fashionable but that dude looks like he's wearing a sleeping bag over his ball hugging space suit. Not that I'm complaining about being able to see his package...I'd just prefer him without all the clothes on.

I leave you with this:


JK, I'd rather end on hotness.




Yowza