Tween Wet Dreams

Like many of you, I spent many a night watching Newsies when I was younger. If I was having a sleepover we might rent Newsies AND Swing Kids and spend all night exclaiming over how cute Christian Bale was (and I mean that past tense, he totally became a creepster as he got older).

Ok, I admit it, we also spent a lot of time freeze framing and rewinding trying to figure out if there was actually a boner in the scene where the Newsies head to Brooklyn to enroll Spot and his crew in the good fight. Look for the kid climbing out of the water. Total boneage.

This Bad Romance Lady Gaga mash up with Seize the Day brings back memories of these more innocent times. It actually works really well. It's like the Lady G was singing just for little Christian Bale.



(Via Huffington Post)

Also, I can't help but post the video for "Carrying the Banner" as well. It'll make the 12 year old girl inside you swoon. Singing! Dancing! Boy candy! Pelvic Thrust at 4:00!

Look at these hipsters fucking

ya'll know Look At This Fucking Hipster right? (of course you do. you peruse it at your leisure or with friends making fun of the lil hipsters, getting fashion tips and tattoo no nos, and fapping to the hot dudes. no? just me? fuck you)

ok so well now there's Look At This Hipster Fucking

Ladypants hasn't updated the site since March (booooo) but aside from most of the queer girls and fake ass 3some pics there are some boners.

Your brain on Durex

At first I thought these new Durex ads were pretty sweet. They're so simple and sometimes when having sex it can feel like one's whole body is just a sea of single thoughts. But some of the thoughts on these ads are a little creepy. I get the "tasty" in her throat and "satisfied" and "contented" running up her legs and even the "fruit" that her loins are thinking (and "tousled" in her hair is great), but what's with her boobs thinking "boobs" over and over? My boobs are usually thinking "touch me!" when I find myself in this position.

And what's with the dude's body mostly thinking "fatal error" while his man parts suddenly become "intelligence" and "wisdom"? I haven't met a lot of dudes whose dicks struck me as suddenly wise and intelligent when they found said cock in my mouth.

Want to see what ladies are thinking when we're actually getting some deep dicking? The Sexist breaks down how female orgasms happen in mythological afterlives while Jezebel takes us through where "confused" comes in while ladies ride on top (see below).

"The most annoying thing about these ads is that they have the potential to be really good - if they made a little more sense. The female body is shown as a complex textbook of emotions, while men are reduced to one single thought (or less). Naturally, Krahne wants to play up the sexy part of sex, but wouldn't it be funnier if the oral sex-woman was thinking about "suction," "teeth," "knee pain" or if we wanted to be really honest, "this condom tastes like a Fruit Roll-Up that has been sprayed with Lysol." Also, we appreciate that it takes a certain about of strain to maintain that position for men, but it's not exactly a cakewalk for us either. Finally, maybe instead of "confusion," a woman on the brink of an orgasm could be shown thinking "hells yes!" or at the very least "don't stop." " (Jezebel)

Super Bangable

So I've just started watching that tv show Heroes (i know, what year is it?! 2004?!) and last night, as i leisurely lounged in front of the tv, my sister asked me which super power I would want out of all the super powers on the show.  This question got me thinking about super hot super hereos and which ones were bangable and which ones I would rather not see in tights.  I tend to always move important philosophical discussions towards the topic of sex, it's my super power.

Here's my list of Movie/TV Versions of Super Heroes That I would Totally Bang:

Batman

Definitely Michael Keaton (back in the day yo), definitely Christian Bale, probably George Clooney (a classic move) and maybe if I've had a few glasses of wine, Val Kilmer.
But most definitely Bruce Wayne.

Wolverine

Australians and sideburns have never been this sexy together.

Superman

RIP to the motherfucking classic.

Iron Man

Yes Robert Downey, Jr.  I will totally bang you.

Knight Rider

Would I bang back-in-the-day David Hasselhoff?

Sie wetteten doucheland!

 

The Human Torch

HOT.

I don't know your name, generic good looking actor, but I'd hit it.

Manimal

you bet your fucking ass

And here's a list of Movie/TV Versions of Super Heroes I Would Totally Give A Fake Number To:

Spiderman

 

Two words: Tobey Maguire

or one word: spiders

or this word: gross

Bibleman

I bet the sex is just awful.

Captain Nice

You mean Captain Nice Cameltoe

Who are your super bangable super heroes?

Air Sex is better than no sex right?

Check out this hilarious video of an Air Sex Competition!

That's right, Air Sex, not AirGuitar, that shit's for babies.

I like the guy that cries.